I'm not looking for this thread to go on and on and on. But I'm looking for a friend. Someone who knows what "a-typical mood disorder with reoccurring severe clinical depression" means. Someone who knows why and understands why I take 5 to 6 different meds up to 4 times a day. Someone who knows why I can't play with my kids today, or cuddle in bed this evening. I'm looking for someone to be a friend that knows what it's like to be alone and be lonely, yet at the same time be around just one person and wish you were alone. My wife used to be that friend. But now she's left me and no longer understands. My job is ending up right beside my marriage too. They don't understand why I am the way I am either. They understand I'm mentally "sick" but they still want excuses for every doctor visit, every hour left of work. They stay on my case about the work I should be doing. They don't know though that I sit here getting more and more upset, struggling not to cut or have thoughts of suicide. They don't understand what it's like to have the thoughts scrolling over and over in my mind until I feel like I'm going to explode. I just want someone to say hello, I understand. Tell me you understand while I sit here and cry wondering why my life is falling apart.