Hi. I'm new and just googled for somewhere I could ..I don't know..open up I guess. I can't say anything to anyone I know as I have children and everyone would panic and it would hit the fan. I'm on anti-depressants, have been for a couple of years now..sole parenting 7 children and have been fighting the urge to disappear for some months now. I've not left as the pain would be unbearable. Tonight is the first time in my life I considered suicide. I have been looking up what it would take..how much alcohol with my meds..I don't know. Deep down I feel it still hurts too much, surely I wouldn't do it. But I'm unsure. I feel I am losing my grip on the fight to hold on. I dont want to call lifeline or whatever. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to sleep. I don't really know why I'm writing this here. I guess I just needed to say it out loud somewhere. Give what i feel a voice. Thanks for the opportunity.