I'm just not sure how i can carry on.. I'm forever trying to become an emotional support 'pillar' but it's near impossible now.. I'm in so much emotional distress my self.. I have so many issues with self esteem, and anger issues. I really can't offer lasting support to anyone else, yet i feel i need to. I feel so horrible when people are upset, i instinctively place the blame on my self. To avoid seeing any negativity within others, i just say their life problems are from my own faults. Then just as much, i see people with nothing but negativity. I start attacking them, and leading them to constant threats, and feelings of suicide. Then inevitably i get over whelmed with guilt. I start turning to addiction, or self harm. I blame my self, no matter the circumstances. I want to be able to help people. To offer unrelenting love, and compassion. I already forgive others very fast, after all, i am the only one who screws up. But it's so hard to offer support to others, when i have so much emotional drain.. I can't let my family, or my only lasting friends see my pain. I really don't want to be a 'burden' any longer. But i need more support, and have trouble even when i do. I just end up destroying relationships, of any kind. So my problems self-cycle. No medication helps me, i don't have much choice with therapy where i live. I'm so stressed out.. I just wish i could find a way to be 'better' so i could help more. I honestly believe death would offer me very many benefits. Yet i'm not able to do so. I'm trapped in a world i despise, a life i can't seem to fix, a world view that you have no 'real' power over, and an inability to end it. I'm so lost.. My heart isn't just heavy because i'm stuck... I feel so guilty over the amount of pain i cause, and my complete inability to so much as help someone i love. I can't even vent, or ask for help, without feeling guilty.. As a matter of fact, i'm in pain just having written this.. Since it might cause someone pain.