Just love keeping me going...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shukarumarius, Jul 31, 2012.

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  1. shukarumarius

    shukarumarius Member

    Well I'm not here to tell I'm going to end my life,I just want to find a plan to continue living...

    So I'm in love with a girl since childhood and now we are both at university,but we are no longer friends.One day I told her my feelings for her and after some hours she replied she doesn't love me.(but I believe a tiny part of her loved me)

    Anyway I thought how I can get close to her at least to see her or help her,that will make me happy and keep me going through life,cause no matter how many dates I had I couldn't forget her.

    So this idea came last week when I saw her going shopping for food,water and other things.She doesn't have a car and she has to carry the bags a lot.I was wandering if I could help her by making or/and carrying the shopping for her.When I would get near her home I would put the bags in front of her door and ring the bell,then she'll give me the money.

    If I can maybe I can be anonymous through all this operation by wearing a mask over my face when I get near her home,cause I don't want her to know who I am,maybe later I'll reveal myself...I won't ask for anything in exchange for this service,I'll tell her I'm an admirer and just want to help her without getting involved in her life.

    I know it's a crazy plan,but idk do you think it will work?After some months maybe I'll get closer to her to reveal my true identity...i just feel you can make someone love you with patience and perseverance...any advice or critique?
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm sorry to be blunt here, but I don't think your plan will work. I don't think you can push someone into loving you. As hard as it is, I think you need to accept what she said and settle for being her friend.

    As for your plan... I know if that was being done to me, it would freak me out. I wouldn't want someone anonymous hanging around wearing a mask. It would feel like I was being stalked, and I'd probably get the police involved. So I wouldn't recommend going with that plan.
     
  3. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    I had two instances in college where I was in a serious relationship, once to my best friend and the other my fiance, and it ended badly both times where they quit having feelings for me. It was hard on my end because I continued to have feelings for them for a long time. Both situations, though, in the immediate time after the break-up I tried my best to "change" or come up with new ways to get their love and attention, and at the end of the day those things blew up in my face. In my head I thought "well, I know they can't have lost all feelings for me, so I can get them back somehow or remind them why they loved me in the first place." Unfortunately, I think my efforts caused them to distance themselves from me even more. I don't know if it was guilt or me coming off totally creepy, but I learned a valuable lesson. I learned that in a break-up, you just need time apart. You have to give the other person space, and that's OK.

    In the case with my best friend, we never got our friendship back, but we did eventually get back on speaking terms. I was even close friends with her younger brother for a couple of years after the break-up. Sometimes I wish I had never shared my feelings with her because we were such close friends, but I think I would have gone crazy if I had kept holding them in. At least I found out she didn't share the same feelings in the end, and that probably protected my future.

    In the case of the fiance, we never could get back on good terms, and in reality it was either marriage or nothing for us. I still miss her to this day, but after long enough my heart healed to where it doesn't bother me too much. I try to be thankful we broke up before we had a chance to get married. I think if we had got married and then divorced that what I went through would have been much worse.

    I know it's hard, and I know your heart and your mind probably want so bad to keep trying, but, trust me, the best thing to do is to let time heal and repair. If she truly has feelings for you, they will come back out, and if a few weeks or months go by, you can try to rekindle your friendship and see where it goes. Patience is tough, but it will be worth it in the long run.

    - J
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    This is a terrible idea. If you wear a mask, you will most likely freak her out, she will call the police and have you arrested for stalking her. I think the best thing you can do is keep helping her with things, be a good friend and maybe one day she will develop feelings for you, once she realizes that there are plenty of jerks out there and she could do a lot worse. I'm not the best person to be giving relationship advise, because I honestly suck with women, but good luck man.
     
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hey JV3. Sorry to hear about your lost relationships. It sounds like you really loved these two women. It's such a shame, but nice guys really do finish last, and I'm starting to realize that first hand now. I don't know, but it's seeming more and more that if you don't act like a macho, dominant male type of guy, then you're pretty much out of luck. Just curious, are you in a new relationship?
     
  6. shukarumarius

    shukarumarius Member

    I just think when she sees me she automatically puts me like in a "friendzone".Maybe if I change and then meet her...
    One way or another,like you said patience is a must and I have a lot of it so maybe in time things will resolve.But I'll still try to find a plan,maybe I will find something which really works...
     
  7. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

    Try reading this article. It will give you some Ideas of things you can do so that other girls might feel attracted to you.
    Wish you the best.
     
  8. shukarumarius

    shukarumarius Member

    Tks all...problem solved,i gave up.No girl will love me as long i'm sad depressed...one day when i'll have positives traits and be another man maybe i'll try,hope she won't get married till then
     
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