Just made the call

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by cayzira, Nov 25, 2009.

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  1. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    Have booked myself in at 3. Need to ask to go back on the pills.

    Pretty scared. Don't know what to say. I don't want any "help" I know if I go back on my pills it'll be enough.. but, I dunno. Not sure what to tell them. Too much, and they'll think I need more help, but if I play it down I might not get back on my meds.

    I want to tell them about everything. About the drugs, about susan, about what really happened with michelle, about the anxiety, about the genurall crapiness, the loss of emotions again, and all the other shit, even the screaming. But if I do, I'll seem pretty fucked up.

    Really worried... What I'm really scared about, is what happens if I can't go back on the pills. They used to really help, and since I came off them, things have been shit. But I messed around with them so much, and things are so different now.. I dunno. I know they'll make everything ok again, I've been telling myself this for weeks... After last night I decided it was time to make the call, 20 mins later and I'm already regretting it.

    Just gotta stay calm I guess.
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you know what sort of help you want - I guess you need to play it by ear, you never know you might get to talk to the right person and then maybe you'll be able to tell all of it. Sometimes self help just doesn't do the job.

    Don't regret making the call, it's something you're doing for yourself. Good luck with it, let us know how it goes.
  3. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    Leaving soon. Stil kinda scared, I've had some shitty experiences with the NHS, still I guess this time I want the pills, and I doubt they'll try and force anything else on me, after all, I came to them this time, so they should see that I can take care of myself.

    Still worried they might try and force me back in to outpatient care, or section me on the spot (I know they won't, but I still worry - and it's not like I haven't seen a section come out of the blue before now)

    This is the first time in my life that I've ever asked them for help - Even in the ward, I could never ask for anything (It took me 3 months befroe I even had the corage to ask for drinks... untill then I'd just sit around looking sad and hopeing someone would ask me) - I know it'll proably be fine, but I've been telling myself for weeks that it'd get better if I could get back on the pills. Now I've finally plucked the corage to make an appointment, I scared of what happens if I can't get back on them.

    Thanks for your kind words and support Tam, it's nice to know that people out there do care : )
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Getting near time - hold onto that courage - I'm behind you all the way! Fingers crossed.
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Good 4 u to ask for help...let us know how it went...big hugs, J
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    excellent i hope they listen and give you the help you need Sometimes taking someone in with you for support can help to take care.
  7. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    Went okay.

    Kinda froze up, and coulden't talk much, but not as bad as I'd expected. Asked me about what was going on and stuff, but I struggled to answere a lot of the questions, didn't want to mention the drugs, or sheelagh, or the thoughs I've been having.

    He wanted me to have some outpatient care, but I pretty bluntly refused that. So I'm back on my meds for now, and I have to go and see him again in 2 weeks, to talk about... actually I'm not really sure why I have to go back, proably so they can try and purswade me to get some other help, but I know I don't need it, there are people that need the help more than me, and I know that I can get through this without it, I just needed the pills to level me out a bit, like they used to.

    For the first time in my life, I want to take the pills, I want to get better, and I want to beat this. I guess that's half the fight. I'm still worried, things have been getting worse, not better, and I don't expect that to change anytime soon. I'm no where near as down as I was 2 years ago, but it went from this, to that, pretty damn quickly last time. I guess that's why it's better to have them now, rather than later.
  8. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey that's good news. And that you want to get better, that's definitely good.

    They probably want to see you soon in order to check how the pills and things are going, and yes also to offer you the opportunity to get more help if you want it. Worth having that in the background, a kind of support system just in case you get to a point where you do want it, so it's there already.

    Best wishes Charles :hug:
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