Just made two lists

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Marla, Apr 26, 2011.

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  1. Marla

    Marla New Member

    Just made two lists. One was reasons to stay on planet, the other was reasons to jump off. I could think of three reasons to stick it out and about 25 on why I should leave. On my reasons to stay list were two people and fear of spiritual ramifications of taking my own life.
  2. champie

    champie Well-Known Member

    Do you think it would be appropriate to weight some things on your list? For example, is it possible that you could count each friend as 10 points each for positives? maybe more?

    On the flip side, maybe some of those negatives are really worth a fraction of your current scoring?

    I'm curious how you feel about revamping your scoring system :)

  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    And guess what, depression...that fabulous killer of all joy, hope and faith....sat at your shoulder while you wrote your list and gave you a whole shit load of negatives.
    Put the list away, get some help (if you havent already) to get the depression under control and then see what happens.
    I'm a great list writer, but a life has to be worth more than what's basically a shopping list. :hug:
  4. Marla

    Marla New Member

    I have lost so many people that I loved in the last few years and two more in the last month. I miss them all. The weighting idea is something I can at least look at. My heart is broken and I miss the people and animals I loved so much. There is nothing to look forward to, just more losses. I am very tired.
  5. champie

    champie Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you have been bombarded recently :(

    Perhaps some safe shelter (a change of scenery or routine) could give you respite from the bombardment?

    I didn't intend to make a weighting system that reduces life to a shopping list. Thanks Terry for giving me an opportunity to clarify my remarks. I suggested the weighting as a way to remind us that even one special thing can overcome the sea of negative stuff we swim in.

    I think that's what HOPE is.

    /me hugs Marla
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    This I relate to hugely.
    Lost my soul mate, home, way of life, umpteen pets and a much beloved father all within 5 years.
    Feels like I can't take one more loss.
    Obviously this has made you megally depressed.....who wouldnt be depressed with that much grief.
    You don't say if you've had any treatment for the grief and depression.
    If not, go see your GP pronto.
  7. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    im not sure a list would be of help to me.
  8. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    It's the mind that breaks, not the heart. I know what you mean though - bereavement is the only time I've cried and not been able to hide it. Not that anyone wanted me to hide it, but as a man I usually like to cry alone on the rare times I cry (apart from old movies)

    You just got to remember the people you loved and try to live how they would have wanted you to. Some find prayer helps, lighting a candle in church or something. We have to take bereavement but if your already depressed it can be more pressure. Maybe if the change in mood is so drastic you should seek some help maybe with meds or even bereavement counselling. Local churches in my area have this - but nobody is excluded if they are not religious.

    As for making lists of reasons for and against living, it might be like entering the London Marathon with a broken leg if your really depressed.

    I used writing as a kind of therapy for myself and would eventually tire of repeating the same negatives or dressing them up in a different manner. Eventually I made the connection between depression and a tendency to not see any positives! So the list - for me, would have to be written up at a time when you feel half decent - maybe if you felt like whistling or singing a song to yourself or listening to music. At least then, you know your mind is in some kind of order and it can make a balanced judgement.

    With depression, its always the same, like Terry says, the killer of joy! So don't take what you feel under the influence of depression as what you'll always be feeling. Depression is sly, it really can lead you to think you are nothing and that you have come to that decision of your own accord. Its the No 1 Liar - a Great Pretender.

    Try to keep in with family also as when bereavement happens its nice to have people who remember your loved ones and who you can connect with. Don't feel too down for those who have died - the pain of loss is genuine and bereavement is horrible, but those we lose on this earth are at peace whatever way you think. Take comfort from that.

    One day we'll be reunited but that day is hopefully a long time in the future ahead and by then your own life might be one in which need you and look to you.

    You can only really live for other people. Hopefully you will be able to work out what way is best for you to be able to help others. Whatever light shined with the loved ones you lost is in you now also - we carry this on from generation to generation.

    There are enough good people carrying a light who can light up the way for anyone who is lost in the darkness.

    At some point in the healing process you ought to be looking to connect with people.

    My sincere belated condolences.

    Perpetual peace, Grant unto them....
  9. ExtreemWays

    ExtreemWays Active Member


    "You can only really live for other people."

    Hmmm. Don't know about this. I prefer to live/die for myself. Other people generally suck and let me down. Off topic though.
  10. Texas

    Texas New Member

    I am tired too and just experience loss today, but just geographical, they are still in this dimension.
    Thank you for perspective.
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