There are some days where I almost forget that my life is miserable. These are they days I am left with no time to think, surrounded by the needs of others, never resting alone in my head. They are not moments of joy, though, they are just distractions which offer me escape from my personal hell. I wish I could bottle the distractive comfort of those days so I can drink from that bottle when I am at my lowest points. No matter what I do, the world leaves me on the side of the road. I have done more to make my life better than most people would ever conceive of, yet the hole I'm in just gets bigger and deeper. My needs are simple but they're never fulfilled. The Stones song which goes "You don't always get what you want, but you get what you need" is apparently about everyone else except me because I don't even get what I need. What I need is to feel like someone loves me and wants to be with me. I don't mean family or a "friend" I mean a significant other. I've been incredibly lonely my whole life. I have somehow managed to survive in all other ways except this. I would give up all I've created and every superficial tangible thing I own if I could come home and rest my head on the lap of a woman who loves me. My soul would be at ease feeling that against every other choice someone has chosen me to love and be with.