Just my thoughts, stuck onto electronic paper.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sa Palomera, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Dear someone,

    I feel so lost, not sure what to do. Frankly, I have no fucking clue what to do. I can't drop out, quit, now. Not after all this effort I've been putting into this. I know I've screwed up a fair bit, especially during first period. But I hadn't done anything education-wise for about 4 years! Of course I needed to get into the swing of things, so to say!

    The whole friends-thing isn't helping either.
    I don't know the girls from the footy team well enough yet to really see them as friends, and they're all quite a bit younger than me as well, and (this may sound rather stuck-up, but I don't mean it like that, it's just the way it is) their level of intelligence is just different from mine which makes it hard sometimes.
    My friends from work, they've been the ones I've seen most over the last few years, but eversince I went back to uni, I feel like I've been slowly disconnected from them, because I'm so busy and barely have any time any more. They are more my age (most of them anyway) and they 'get' me. They know I have gloomy periods, they know about mum, and how much that still affects me at times. They know me. and I love them so much. I just really miss them.
    The people at uni, they're really nice, and there's a group I hang out with a lot, but they're all a tad younger than me, which is okay, but they're also so smart! They get good grades, they're intelligent.. I feel like they're out of my league.

    I'm so disconnected from the world, it's like I'm at this really lonely little island now. I don't like this feeling.

    And I Haven't even started about my physical condition, and how that affects me these days.

    I'm lost.
    And quite frankly, coming on here doesn't make me feel less lonely these days. I used to go into chat and feel less lonely. These days it only worsens the feeling, seems like nobody cares anymore. Is it that bad to just need and want a bit of attention now and then?
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi sweetie...the time you are going through is so full of adjustments...I remember feeling like I did not fit in anywhere...the women from the team or at Uni that you relate to can be the ones where you spend some time and maybe one can be better company...there is nothing wrong with saying that you want to find ppl who stimulate you, and share some of your interests (intellegence, of the use of it, being one thing)...find someone caring...this is more important than smart in my opinion, and if s/he has both traits, great...hope things get easier and more resolved...uni is hard!...big hugs, J
     
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    You're right about someone caring being more important than someone smart, and that usually is most important to me too.
    But you see, the thing is, most people from where I live, from this area, so that's most of my colleagues and literally everyone from my footy team, don't speak English very well and they don't like the language. And seeing as English language and culture is one of my top 3 passions (along with footy and music), that's hard sometimes. I love speaking English, and whenever I hear someone speak English I'm always thinking about where they're from exactly and I don't know. It's one of my biggest passions, and they all just don't understand. It makes it difficult sometimes. Obviously in that area I have my mates from uni to dive into those things but still.

    But I have a bit of good news. This weekend me and 5 girls from the footy team (2 of which also work where I work, that's actually how I ended up joining the footy team) went away for the weekend. Apart from the 2 girls, G & D, that I know from work, I knew none of the girls from the footy team until last may, when I came with G&D to a party weekend of the football club. And then last summer I joined the footy team. Apart from G&D I like J most and I&S. J because she's most like me, in being a bit of a party animal, and having quite an eventful past in regards to men ;) and partying, ghehe. And I&S are good friends with G&D, so I don't know I always end up hanging out with them 5 most, and honestly, I have most in common with all of them, more than with the rest of the team. And it was us 6 going away for the weekend.
    Had a blast really. And of course sometimes I feel slightly left out, but that's no more than logical, seeing as all 5 of them have known each other for years and they grew up together and have a group of friends with a bunch of guys in the group as well, so they talk about things that happened in the past sometimes and about the guys I don't know, but it's still fun hearing all the stories.
    All in all a great weekend. Quite eventful too.

    It's lifted my spirits a bit, and it was good to get away from every day life as well, even if it was just for 2 days, it really did feel like a real holiday, so yeah. =)