Hello all, I'm 24 years old and have been contemplating suicide for quite some time now. I have been thinking about it since high school and my thoughts have progressively gotten worse. I feel as if I can narrow when I went to the dark side. I was born and raised in a city of over a million people, and right before high school, my parents moved me to a town of only one thousand people. I feel I have never adjusted. When I lived in the city, I had friends and never thought of suicide. Since moving to a rural area, I have found it hard making friends. I have also gained a significant amount of weight. I have lost 100 pounds, only to gain 30 of it back. I'm currently in school and I know the material, I just don't have the motivation to strive for good grades. I worry about my future. I'm set to graduate in August with a Bachelors degree, but I worry I won't be able to find a job. It seems I never catch breaks. When opportunities present themselves, I always seem to miss out. I seem to have mood swings. I can put on a happy front in social situations. At work, my coworkers like to be with me because I am funny and easy going. For some reason, it seems like the friendships end at work. I cannot seem to make friends outside of work. No one wants to hang out with me, yet we seem to get along so well in work. I am totally at a loss with women. I have never really had a girlfriend and I feel I never will. At 24 it's kind of late to just enter the dating game. I feel if I don't kill myself, I'll be one of those old misers whose corps is found weeks after they die because no one knew or cared where they were. I've gone so far as to plan where I would commit suicide, how, what clothes I will wear, and my funeral arrangements. I have even planned my last meal and final song I would listen to. I feel deep down I do not want to die. When I am with people at work and laughing and having a good time, the thought of dieing never crosses my mind. I just don't know if I can handle the stress of life. The only thing that has kept me from committing suicide, is I'm terrified about life after death. I do not believe in God, and the thought of the unknown scares the hell out of me. If I knew for sure what the after life held for me, I would be gone already.