Just need to get my thoughts/feelings down and out...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, May 4, 2008.

  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I am starting to wonder if Im insane..I met the new worker on my case like two weeks ago.. I swore she lied to me about a court order - she said it exsisted and according to the head people over my case, it doesnt. My mom who came up after I called her because I didnt think I could deal with the blood sucking wench on my own said she was not told anything about it. I asked my husband to back me up because he was standing nearby when she said it..He said he would but when I asked if she really did say it, He couldnt recall her saying it..So..Im wondering if I made it up and made myself believe it or did I really hear it but she didnt say it? Its driving me insane thinking about it. My family says that I should just cooperate and do whatever she wants me to get those blood suckers off my back but I cant cooperate.. Its not that I dont want to or that I just want to be difficult, I just cant because I honestly dont feel its in MY best interest. Then again maybe my mind is so foggy that I cant see the long term benefits to myself I did just cooperate with her... I didnt feel like telling the doctors she set me up with anything because she has access to my personal case files there. I did manage to set up a appointment at a private place and she cant access my files unless I 1.Sign and give her permission or 2. A judge over rides my rights to confidentiality and gives her permission. Which my mom says is a slim chance.. Im still worried that they cant help me (they being the new doctors Im trying to get set up with) because I have this lingering fear of telling them the truth. Mainly because Im afraid the blood suckers will get my files and two Im worried I will end back up in hospital and I would ruther be run over with a farm tracker then have that happen. I do realise that my condition needs medication - at least thats what all the doctors and mental health people tell me and I do believe it. But..I dont want the medication. I have been on it for the better part of 9 years..Most all of it has either made me sicker (mentally or physically) and the few that did work I either built up a tolerance and they stopped working or they had side effects I could not tolerate... I dont know what in the heck to do... Okay thats my thoughts out for now....
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Hey there :hug:

    I'm sorry I don't have any words of advice, but I just wanted you to know that I'm reading this and am here to listen. Sending you big hugs :hug:
  3. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Thank You.. To be honest its nice knowing that someone can listen without offering advice because Im tired of hearing the same old crap over and over again.. At the same time I keep hoping for some advice because Im praying that someone will have something different to tell me..

    I just feel like my head is filling up with gas and its about to explode off my shoulders or something..Its this calm feeling with this awful fear and..I cant really describe it..
  4. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    I wish i did have some advice for you, but not knowing the rest of the situation and no wanting to pry i cant really, other than that you continue down the path of talking to the new doctors.

    Also, are there any non-medical treatments which might help your condition? such as changing food habits or exercise?

    Im sorry, im rubbish at this. But the most important thing is to know your not alone out there in cyberspace - and people do care

  5. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    If you want to hear my story all you need to do is send me some mail and ask me to tell you.. I wont think your trying to pry..
  6. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Well I went to my appointment today..Finished the paper work for indigent care, got registered as a client, and was placed on a doctor and therapists patient lists (also recieved my first appointment scedule with them both). They do believe I need back on the medication which I am not looking forward to..Over all the visit went well and everyone was nice. I hope the doctor and therapist I will see are nice too..