i made a very very awful, horrid mistake last night. and i cheated on my boyfriend. i keep trying to validate myself. but there's absolutely no excuse for what i've done. not that it would matter if there were. it's still unforgivable. he's the only reason i haven't killed myself in the last 5 years we've been together. and now that may as well mean nothing. i can't think of a reason to live anymore. i really don't deserve to.