I just need to let some stuff out. I do have quite a few friends, but I can't talk to any of them, not even the really close ones. I just wish I could but I can't. Despite all these friends I feel so lonely and I can't feel like this anymore. Everyday I drink, take some pills or whatever there is lying around the house. The other day I took around 40 pills along with lots of alcohol and woke up the next day feeling really bad. I didn't go into college (I really couldn't have) and I just remember my mother coming in and shouting at me to go, saying how useless I am and how I was going to fail it all. I couldn't tell her about the pills but I just wanted to scream 'I TOOK ALL THESE PILLS LAST NIGHT AND I'M STILL HERE. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?' We've just had another fight, with her saying all the usual 'I hate you, I'm kicking you out, you're mental' stuff. I know I'm fucking mental ffs! I took some pills, half a bottle of night nurse and I've been drinking and she's still there shouting at me (she doesn't know I took that stuff though). I just want to tell her about it just to shut her up but I know she'll just say I'm even more mental.