I just need to say "out loud" that my suicidal feelings are coming back. Meds are not working. And I think perhaps I've just come to the end of what I can take or what I should have to take. And I don't say that in anger, but in resignation. Want to throw away all my junk and not have any responsibilities. If not for my mom, I would have killed myself long ago. I want to rest. I want to relax. I want to feel safe. And, basically, I am. I just don't feel it. Maybe depression is the disconnect from reality that just takes you away and brainwashes you. I wish my skin were soft. And I know that that is so superficial and pointless. All I ever say in these posts is "I think" and "I want." How pointless. No truth in that. Just shaped by the ridiculous, abnormal "person" I am. Anyway, loneliness kills, and it's killing me. I wish I were not alive. Wish I had never been born. I just never feel right.