Hey, My name is "sara" I am a sophmore in hs and suffering alot! I have been depressed for a while, after a year or two of it depression was just as normal to me as breathing. My parents divorced when I was 5 (1998), my first memory was a fight they had, I wish I never remembered it and I wish I had good first memories. My dad remarried to "Caitlin" in 2000. She is absouetly awful to me. She emotionally abuses me practically every day saying things like "You little shit" and "You are a fuckin bitch" those are probably the nicest things she has said to me though. My dad followed in her footsteps, and puts me down ALOT! My school work is never good enough and he is never proud of me. In 2001 my grandma passed away (she was a heavy smoker) and in 2004 (I was 11) my best friend that I had known for 5 years passed away of SUDS, he was 15 and had everything going for him. I still am not over it. After his death things just kinda went down hill from there. My school work kept slipping and 2 of my distant aunts died and a close uncle died. All within the course of 2 years. About 2 years ago, my dad sued my mom for custody of me. It was the worst 5 months of my life! He constantly kept telling me why he was better then my mom and twisted everything I said around like if I said "'Well i am not sure if I want to do this or not" what he heard was "I hate my mom I want to live with you" I never felt more torn between anybody then I did that summer. The court day was officially scheduled 2 days before my birthday. And I told the judge I wanted to keep things the way they were (cuz I was so confused and upset I didnt know what I wanted). My dad didnt talk for me for two week after that and still hates me for that decison. Highschool hit finally, and freshmen year was ok. This past summer I lost my best friend caitlin, cuz she just finally decided she wasn't good enough for me anymore. And I met this guy, really nice at first and caring. He was my first to kiss and I was mad at him one day cuz of something stupid, he came up to my school during my lunch break and said sorry to me for it, 5 sec later I saw him making out with some one else. I gave him hell when school got out that day and we didnt talk for two weeks. Finally a friend request on myspace and on yahoo from him. He appolgized for letting things get out of hand between us and like a min after he said that he said that I am a pschyo bitch, a liar and emo. So I just stopped talking to him. And a couple days later he ims me telling me "You better not fu***n key my car or I will beat your a**" that was before the game that night and at the game that night the other woman he was making out with threatned me. And the next day she came up to me wanting to know what I have been saying about her behind her back. I told her nothing and she doesnt belive me. She hasnt said anything to me since but, I have left it alone. And my friend Tina in my 3rd hour saw that I was on myspace in class and that I know "Carrie" and she said her friend "Mark" likes her alot. So she gave me his number to give to her and I texted him that evening cuz I was bored. I thought we were good friends but, all the sudden I get a myspace message from Tinas bf saying that Mark is lieing to me and he hates me and thinks Im obssessed with him. Mark said that it wasnt true and tinas bf was just putting words in his mouth. So I kept getting hate mail from Tinas bf. And finally I said to Mark that when things get ressolved between him and tinas bf and they both can come up with one story and agree on it then to let me know until then we cant be friends. And today, I get a message from tinas bf saying that Mark was just lieing to me and prentending the act the way he was so that I would brag about it to carrie, so she would want to go out with him. Idk, I just blame myself for everything and having people that I think that care about me just end up hurting me has taken a big toll on me I am seriously thinking about suicide Last time I attempted it but it didnt kill me and I was glad about it but right now I wish it did Any supportive words would be great thought I need something to smile about something to keep me going.