just need to write - im sorry

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by vbuk, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    hello, i dont know what to do and i dont know what to say but i just want to write. i just feel like things r so so bad. and its not really. i know i cant help anyone - im so so sorry that i cant. i just want to make everything better but i never can.

    the one place i feel safe and like i belong is in my car. all i want to do is drive - i dont care where. just to be out. i went down the river again tonight. sat near the bridge and just stared out into the darkness. took some really crappy pictures - but that was my excuse to leave.


    i dont know what i want. theres something big happening at work. my boss has applied for a new job - in the same company but wont be with us. i care alot about him and want him to have the best - but at the same time i dont want him to leave. if he does leave then i could be either manager or assistant manager. assistant manager wouldnt be bad but im so scared of being manager - but if i let this chance go - then i dont think it will happen again.

    im finding things so so hard. i need to be a better person - i need to stop thinking about me so much - thats all im doing. this is driving me mad. ive not been sleeping. i just lay awake and think. think of the past, of the future. what i want from life. i dont know what to do.

    im babbling so so much now - i have so much to do. but cant bring myself to do it. i dont know what the hell is wrong with me.

    im really sorry if im not how i should be. if im cranky. i dont mean to be and i will try and make sure i distance myself - dont want to hurt n e more people - to those i have hurt i am really sorry.

    i do love you all. you are all so special to me

    Clare xxx

    (sorry its so long)
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug: There's no need to apologize hun. I think you should go for the job opportunity, you'll still be able to see your boss and stuff, right? Don't distance yourself, you won't hurt anyone. That picture is awesome by the way. Here if you need me. x x <3
  3. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    all i want to do all the time is cry. thats it - cry and sleep. im ment to be making cards for a charity fair on saturday and i havent done any - mum is doing them all. i just dont have it in me to sit down and do them. all im doing is going for drives and taking pictures. and coming online. thats my life atm. i hate it. need to do more. im just so so tired. going to get all my hair chopped of toda so hopefully ill feel better. and feel like i look better - even though i know i wont. i dont know whats going on n e more. just please get me out