just needed somewhere to write

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lozzie, May 3, 2015.

  1. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    Sorry if you are reading this thinking I am pathetic. I really just needed somewhere to write where no one could find it. I seriously don't feel myself lately. I have let myself get down in the dumps and its my own fault. I am normally a very happy and positive person, but I think all the stress from work and being worried about friends being ill atm that i have forgotten about my own mental health, which I've been managing by myself usually quite well. Tonight i feel like making myself sick and screaming into a pillow. None of which are going to happen as i realise its just my stupid head making all this negative stuff up. Again just needed somewhere to write this down as it helps me.
    I also was crossing the road the other day and despite my life atm and how blessed i am to have what I have, I felt like letting a car hit me :(
    WHy? i have no idea? Obviously it didn't happen, how evil is the mind sometimes, grr.

    I hope it doesn't get worse, I don't really want to trek down the psychologist pathway again, man oh man was that a ride I wanted to get off. SO yeah I truly am forcing myself to remain calm and focus forward. All the backwards thoughts are madly going into my mind and i have no idea whats triggered it. I have thoughts of self harm and binge eating again and making myself sick..... sad isn't it.

    Anyways I shall continue to ignore these distant urges as they are not who I am anymore..... still curious as to whats made this all resurface...
  2. SynapseR

    SynapseR Member

    Hi there lozzie.

    There are triggers that significantly affect our mood. Extreme stress and anxiety caused by work and other events can bring out negative emotions and issues that were buried or "solved".

    I have been through a deep depression, it was awful. I did therapy for a couple of months and managed to get out of that particular dark place we know. Lately, some university projects have been frustrating me, I have been feeling restless and anxious. I also do not feel like myself aswell.

    Do not let yourself get trapped into the old toxic habits. Like this forum subsection says: let it all out. We're here to to listen and help in any way we can.

    You're not pathetic, you have the right to be heard. Actually, crying and shouting is healthy, trying to supress these negative emotions is not.


    a random friend from the internet
  3. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    thankyou for sharing, I guess the I have hidden a lot if not most of the things that I was going through because i was sick of feeling so horrid. I made a choice on my own to get back up and get back my life. Now i have everything i could ever want, people comment on my positivity and strength etc..... i still know everyday is a huge battle to have that front of everyday.

    I think I am very frustrated with myself, I try to perfect things and lately its just not working for me...
    I was even for the first time going to phone a help line to just talk..... then i felt like I was admitting i was in trouble.... I don't want to alarm anyone because I don't feel like I will hurt myself, but I keep getting some familiar feelings... and i don't know why :(

    thankyou for the hugs :D much needed xoxox
  4. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    still not coping, a new symptom to my anxiety which is strange is nausea. Ive had anxiety and panic attacks from about the age of 8 and never had nausea :( its whole new to me....... what am i doing to myself... i was actually sick today because I could not settle myself down...... I'm so weird.....
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have had that, I get nausea when im anxious or scared. I was prescribed stemetil for it and it works most of the time. I have read up a lot on this subject, nausea is a very common symptom of anxiety. You need to tell your doctor they can give you something to help. Ginger ale helps with nausea too i have found. I'm so sorry you are suffering with this too.

    Lots of hugs for you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
  6. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    thankyou, i am nervous about seeing GP for this because of past issues. I am have not been to the doctors in a few years actually.... I am just trying to not circle around why I am like this.....wish it would go away xxx