I know I've been venting and posting so much lately. Think I have a lot of anger inside of me based on how people have been treating me. That's the honest truth. I'm not going to sugar coat this and lie anymore. I'm very very angry with the abuse, being bullied and how everyone abandoned me when I got sick. I had a Facebook and I reached out to my "so called friends" who I thought were my friends and a lot of them weren't there for me. Some of them even told me to just be happy or just move on past it. So many people say that to me. "Just be happy! Stop being sad!" When all inside all I felt was pain and sadness. Anytime I tried to reach out and find people to talk too nobody truly care me much support. Not even my own family gave me support and I find that very sad. Sometimes I have to fake my happiness around them and act like everything is fine. I can't let it go about the surgeries and how all I did was lay in bed, take my medication, cry, think how I was going to die and think to myself, "How did I get precancer?" I even talk to random people because my own family won't even listen to me or talk to me. Feel like I can't talk to them or open up to them about anything. The minute I open up to them and try to talk to them, they give me no emotional support at all. None. So it seems like I have to do it myself. The friends I thought were my friends weren't even there for me either. I didn't expect them to do everything for me, I just wanted them to talk to me or check up on me and ask me if I was okay from time to time. I'm an understanding person. I know people have lives and have things to do. Them not even doing that truly hurt me and made me severely depressed. It made me feel like my life was worthless and that nobody truly cared about me at all. I survived the precancer and I got checked out by my doctor. When my mother got the card in the mail and everything was fine I had an emotional break down and cried so hard because I was worrying so much that I would get precancer on my cervix again. I still remember when she told me I had it, I heard my mother start crying and I told my doctor I gave up smoking. She told me that was good and she told me if I wanted to drink, to not drink a lot. So I plan to not drink at all. I never want this ever coming back to me ever again. I'm never smoking cigarettes either. It was very close to turning to Cervical Cancer and this is what shook me and made me look at the world differently. After the store I looked at the cars driving past us and looking at kids laughing and playing with toys. Even though I survived it I still gave them a smile. I believe people see the sadness by just looking at me. Yes I know I survived it and it didn't even stop there. I ended up getting Kidney Stones and that was so painful and I felt as if I was being punished. Now I just want to heal from all of this. I'm just not sure how long it's going to take and my self esteem is still low from the abuse I went through. There's a lot of healing and things I need to get past. I'm just not sure how long it's going to take. I'm just really angry inside by how I got treated by people in the past and how people abandoned me when I got sick. That's all I needed to say.