Hey, I just wanted to tell you guys an issue I have in life that I don't want to talk about it to my families and my friends yet. I am still a student and my parents have high expectations of me. They wanted me to go to top university and get the highest scores and I do try to make sure I make them happy. But in truth, I am just an average student who tries his best but doesn't get great marks. But I still do try my best and put a lot of effort towards my work but it doesn't seem to be working well. Some times I cry because I try my best but my mom isn't happy with it. I try to hide my depression from public and act happy so people won't be worried about me but when I am at home, I just think about how I wasted my parent's money, time and efforts to give me the best and even if I get the best treatment, I am still an average. Sometimes when I am alone, I start to think about suicide which is clean and which I hope to help improve my family's financial situation. But when I do think of suicide, it brings joy and happiness to me. This has happened to me since 3 years ago. The biggest hit was when I got my report card, my scores fell and my mom cried at my scores, telling me I am useless and stupid. Ever since that, I thought about suicide almost every day and even to a point I nearly attempted one. Sometimes I feel like I am a burden in my family, getting the best but not showing the best results. I feel like my failure as a student and a son is nonredeemable and I think death is the way to fix that. I know there are other ways but death seems the best. I'm not sure how to fix this because I don't know what to do. If I continue living, more burden in my family, and if I stop living, less burden in my family.