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Just one of those days... (may trigger)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by st_91, May 9, 2012.

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  1. st_91

    st_91 Active Member

    Really suicidal and feel like self harming.
    Tried to call my friend and text her but no answer which isn't unusual.
    All my family went out (work, out with friends) and i was just left alone. My mind is all over the place.
    Had sooooo much drama in the last 8/9 months, with two family members dying, money troubles, friend and family arguments :grr:
    I wanted so bad to admit myself into hospital but find it so hard to work myself up to leave the house and worry how i would get there.
    Stresses me out so i never make it there. Who would i ask to take me, no-one is talking to me.
    Feel so lost and lifeless.
    Worried bout a driving lesson i have tomorrow too and can't cancel it again (Done it too much recently)
    Scared, Paranoid. Want to scream and then crawl into a hole :sad:
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hi st 91.. having one of those days myself but willing try and help you some here.. if you are in the US then here are some crisis line numbers .. 1-800-SUICIDE, or 1-800-273-TALK.. calling these numbers will route your call to a local crisis line nearby.. also you can call 911 in the US.. also going to a hospital emergency room will get you some help.. if you are really going to hurt yourself please reach out and get some real help now..

    ok first thought is probably i can do without this now.. i say "i say to you if you are going to hurt yourself, please get some professiojnal help now"..

    if you are going to be ok for rest of the day first question to you is: do you have any professional psychiatric help now??? if no then i really do reccomend getting it.. saved my life and has helped me very much.. takes some work and is kind of scary to start there.. you sound like you need some help now and someone who is on your side and with you thru all of this..

    hope you stay safe and that in the long run things get better and easier for you.. tc, Jim
  3. st_91

    st_91 Active Member

    Thank you Jim.

    I'm from the UK. I have numbers to call but never like calling them. :ambivalence:

    I've been seeing a psychiatrist since December, but it's not helping so far. Just makes me angry and i never know what to say. This is the fourth time i've tried it now but still uncertain about seeing them.
  4. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    st 91 , have heard from some members here who also live in the UK about their dislike of the sociallized medical sysytem there. you have to live with this all and know much more than me.. psych therapy is not easy.. it takes two ppl working together and some real time to be effective.. sorry it is not working for you now.. if you really dislike your psychiatrist the alternative is to demand the system get you someone else..

    medication can help some also.. took spome trial and error to find the antidepressants which work most of each day for me.. they really do help fight severe depression.. st, iwth the right profeesional , you also need to have a bit of an open mind and willingness to try and change some things.. i am almost 65.. now.... played at therapy many times before i really did give it a real chance to work..

    got to go take care of my disabled son john now.. take care and try to remain safe.. Jim
  5. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    There's a few things here - that totalled up feel like a mountain, yet if taken on a one-at-a-time basis, there are smaller pieces of the puzzle which then make it easier to be managed.

    Family going out to work/socialise, cannot really be stopped. Working is the mainstay of many a life (40+ years in the majority of cases), and socialising gives people a sense of being themselves.

    Arguments happen with friends/family - its not the worst thing in the world, lord knows i've had my fair share over the years. But now is the time to look to build bridges. Speak to them as a group or as a one on one. They wouldn't know what to do if you don't give them enough of an insight into what is going on.

    Money troubles - the society we are living in is riddled with debts from one person up to a country as a whole. For these, there are places like Citizens Advice Bureau who can give a hand in helping organise what is going on. My mum used them herself - and to a successful conclusion of money management.

    As for family members dying, I can't say too much about this as the only family members i've lost were 3 grandparents that I knew (my dad's dad died long before I was born), and they were all in the 1990s. They would respect the grieving, and everyone handles that differently, but you are not alone. Would they want you to let your life pass you by or would they want you to try and make the most out of what you have? - My money would be on the latter because life is short enough, some lives barely make it to birth (stillborn), while others somehow mark out 100 years and get a telegram. No-one knows when their time is up, don't let the grief consume the chance you have to make something worthwhile happen.

    I would hope that with seeing a therapist - you would have access to a local crisis team. Have you called them to let them know of your situation? There is also the samaritans that you can try - and they accept emails too. Have a browse on their website, that might provide information. At worst, call the police on yourself - they have the power to section you if you go into enough detail.

    I'm glad you have something like a driving lesson, it is something that requires full concentration therefore if you focus on it - its a distraction from everything else. Its 1 or 2 hours of doing something which will help you achieve a target goal - a driving licence - in the long run.

    Having broken as much down as I can for now - I hope this helps in some way. You can always PM me here or if you see my name about as a user in the chatroom, come and say hi. I won't bite :)
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