"Just" one of those days

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by FallenYuki, Apr 17, 2016.

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  1. FallenYuki

    FallenYuki Member

    It's weird to call it "one of those days", because its probably not usually in peoples daily life that you really don't feel like living anymore.

    I really like this forum. You can post how you feel, without feeling judged. Without feeling you're always overreacting. You can express your sadness, and it's okay if nobody reads or replies to it. Nobody to tell you "just suck it up", nobody to give you the look "Oh she's sad AGAIN?".

    Today I'm having a really emotional day. Sitting in the train, trying to hold in my tears and just thinking.. I'm tired. So tired. Mostly tired of myself. Just can't enjoy life the way I want to. It always feel like I am walking with a chain on my ankles and wrists, pulling me down. And the chain is my dark self. It wants me to worry about the littlest things that don't matter, creating negative thoughts that I won't be missed if I just leave, the "I'm better off alone" thought. I really try to fight but I just can't. Feel like crying my eyes out and just stop living. Self pity is tiring.. Anyways, thank you if you've read my story for today. I just really needed to get it off my chest ^^ have a nice sunday everyone!
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're feeling this way! Why is it that you feel you can't enjoy life the way want to? The depression? Love your name and avatar, by the way...:) peace!
  3. FallenYuki

    FallenYuki Member

    Thanks ^^ Whenever I'm happy, there's always that little something that happens that makes me depressed. It can turn my whole day (or 2) around, and feel like i want to shut myself off from everybody. And even though I know its over a small thing (like an argument or a fight), I cant force myself to get over it. It makes me feel so lost and alone, that the "easy way out" feels like an option.. I'm tired of feeling this way all the time, always worrying about things in my hesd, and thinking the worst of everything
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry to hear you're struggling

    Can I ask you something? Do you feel like you might not be allowing yourself to be happy, because you're scared something bad happens if you're scary... so you keep yourself down? (not judging you, but it's a vicious circle I'm working on breaking myself)

    Are you having any help to get better, hun? These things are very difficult to deal with, and it sounds like you're being very hard on yourself, and you do deserve better.

    Please do be kind to yourself!
  5. FallenYuki

    FallenYuki Member

    Hi Phantom Lady,

    I worry all the time that something bad will happen, even when there's not even an issue. And when it does happen, I'll tell myself: "I told you so". And the ironic part is.. I probably let it happen myself because of all my worrying. Today was one of the hardest days in a long time, that I couldn't bring myself to go to work. I hate how this is also now affecting my job. I found a psychiatrist today online, and im going to give them a call this week. kind of nervous about it, hut its necessary. thank you for listening ^^ its really nice to have
  6. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Well, FallenYuki-
    I'm glad to hear you're going to go see a psychiatrist. That may be all that's necessary or at the very least, a big part of the key! There's an old saying, that goes something like, "Your best thinking got you here." And so, it is okay to ask for help. Sometimes, that's just what we need. There is no reason to be nervous... If you need help, that's what they're there for! You know, I used to feel very much like you do. And, I don't know that this will do much good, but basically when I stopped caring so much (about every little thing), I began to feel a lot better. So, in other words, if somebody said or did some small thing to me, I was able to eventually look back, and say, "I was losing it over that?" It helped me to put it into proper perspective. But it wasn't overnight. Perhaps I outgrew the psychology in some way. But regardless, everybody has their own solution, and seeking professional help is one excellent first step. Good luck!

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