I just noticed that I have been using this forum now for just over 1 year. I wonder where I would be if I had not discovered it. I don't know if I have improved much at all. Last night I was at a wedding and wasn't drinking but all I did was keep getting thoughts of killing myself. My anxiety has got worse and I have a general feeling of sickness everyday. I don't know how long I can keep fighting it. I fear one day I will run out of energy and stop fighting and I think that day is getting closer and closer.