I dont know what makes me feel like I want to commit suicide....My life isnt all that bad. Ive had girlfriends, Ive had sex, Im not ugly, people think im a really funny guy. I guess I want to commit suicide because I dont understand life and I dont understand what makes me feel depressed...and I dont really show that emotional confusion on the outside I try to cover it up by making people laugh so killing myself would finally let people know that I wasnt ok. Ive attempted suicide twice. Cabon Monoxide poisoning was the first attempt....I lived and got a tattoo so I would remember how I felt. For the second I drank a 12 pack of beer took 3 high dose painkillers and then literally drank a cup full of straight poison...I began to fall asleep and I could feel my heartbeat slowing and it was getting hard to breathe, I closed my eyes and it all went black and I didnt expect to wake up again...I woke up the next day in total shock. Nothing works....If you attempt suicide with anything other than I gun your not really attempting suicide is what I found out. I really dont know anymore. I think I need to make a big change in my life a sudden change. Ill try that and get back to you guys to tell you if its made me feel better.