Just plain scared

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AnxiousWife, Oct 3, 2015.

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  1. AnxiousWife

    AnxiousWife New Member

    I actually grew up with thoughts of suicide starting when I was about 10 or so, but I always knew I'd never do it. Especially after losing an uncle to suicide. But now I'm in an unhappy marriage (non violent.. Just unhappy) and it's causing me severe anxiety. I haven't eaten or slept properly in days. It's really starting to take a toll on me... Today I locked myself in my bedroom and then went into my bathroom and locked that door and thought "if I <mod edit - methods>, I'll be dead before my husband even realized I'm not sitting next to him in the living room." What a terrifying thought! In just tired of being 22 and trapped in this marriage.
     
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  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What is keeping you trapped move out start a new life if the marriage is not worth fighting for with a marriage councilor then you move on get a divorce as many people do and find someone that you can be happy with
     
  3. AnxiousWife

    AnxiousWife New Member

    My car is in his name. Our health insurance is in his name. Our home is in his name. Plus... I'm a Christian. Divorce isnt something Christians take lightly. I also am hoping that maybe he'll fall back in love with me? We used to be great together.
     
  4. AnxiousWife

    AnxiousWife New Member

    My car is in his name. Our health insurance is in his name. Our home is in his name. Plus... I'm a Christian. Divorce isnt something Christians take lightly. I also am hoping that maybe he'll fall back in love with me? We used to be great together.
     
  5. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I think that starting with therapy is a good idea. 22 is incredibly young to get married - and obviously you were younger when you did it. If you still want to make the marriage work, find a councilor and work on it.

    If you want out - get out. Speak to some people and find out what your options are for getting "your half" - just because things are in his name does not mean that you get nothing. Get prepared and find out about health insurance for if you leave - find out what you can get in state help. You are not trapped. You have options - you just need to find out what they are. If you want out - get out. I understand that as a Christian divorce is not to be taken lightly, but I believe that God does not require people to stay miserable. It is okay to make good choices for yourself in the future and not have to live with a choice that turned out to be wrong in the past. That is what Free Will is for.

    I am not in the US (I am assuming that is where you are from the health insurance comment) but someone here will be able to tell you where to call and who to speak to. Finding out your options and getting them in line isn't giving up - its not leaving - its just making sure if you decide to stay, it is a choice. You deserve to choose happiness for yourself.
     
  6. AnxiousWife

    AnxiousWife New Member

    That's very good advice. I've begged my husband to do councilling with me and he won't. So that's out. I know I need to leave. I'm really trying to work up the courage to do it. I've only recently started letting him know the things that bother me. I've never outright told him that I'm miserable. Not that he'd care. He has no emotions.. But he used to. The thought of leaving gives me crippling anxiety. Anyone who's had anxiety understands what I mean when I say CRIPPLING. Ugh. Life goes on though. Thanks for the advice!
     
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