Just putting this out there...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, Jan 3, 2009.

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  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I have been thinking about this. It probably wont make any sence at all but I wanted to get it out there and see what everyone thinks.. Im badly overweight. Its mainly genetics and low blood sugar making me at like a horse! But maybe theres something mental involved? Maybe I eat to punish myself because if I keep eating everything I get my hands on I will just grow and grow - which depresses me because I have no self esteem and actually get sick when I see myself in the mirror. Am I subconciously punishing myself? Maybe Im trying to protect myself? If Im fat and ugly no one will want me (sexual abuse/ect). But I want to be thin so desperatly. I try to diet but dont loose much until I give up and gain even more. I pray to be anorexic someday soon (sorry to those who go thru anorexia - I dont mean anything bad, I know its not a good thing to deal with but Im so badly wanting to be pretty). Whats up with me.. Is it pure sugar problems or am I punishing me without knowing it?
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    know one can really truely tell you if your punishing yourself, other than you.
    i can understand your train of thought, it could be that you are punishing yourself. but you would have to figure yourself out. but either way, becoming anorexic is not the way to go huni, you may need to see someone for your personal opinion and self image :hug: we're here hun
  3. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    i don't know, as i've not had blood sugar level probelms before, but do you actually feel hungry when this happens?
    you sound like you have a compulsive eating disorder which, as you said, could be linked with unresolved issues such as sexual abuse. i used to have binge eating disorder which is when i'd have episodes of just eating as quickly and as much as i could in a short space of time until i was physically sick.. but naturally. that then changed to bulimia though which is why i became underweight.
    any eating disorder harms your body, and whilst this may be a subconscious thing that you are doing, you can consciously change it. knowing your own mind (eg. i know i'm going to eat so much when i get home, i always do) is a key factor in changing your ways. beginning to realise that what you think isn't always right and you don't have to eat so much.
    with anything relating to food, regular exercise is important, and can motivate you to not eat as much as exercise makes your brain release endorphins (happy hormones) which you also get from eating food, so you don't feel the urge to eat because you already have the happy feeling from it.

    there are always dieticians and doctors you can talk to if you want to lose weight. it's not a good idea to wish for an eating disorder. they only ruin your life.

    good luck hun :heart:
    laura x
  4. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Its hard to explain. Sometimes I really do feel hungry. Usually I get a headache and feel really dizzy (the doctor says its what happens when Im crashing due to sugar levels being to low) and sometimes I pass out. Normally I just see the food and to eat it. I will eat until I get sick at times and I throw up. Then 15 minutes later Im eating again. I bave ballooned to nearly 300 pounds. Its like I cant stay away from that food - its driving me. Its not that I want to eat its that I feel I have to eat it. I look at myself in the mirror - hold my shirt up so I can see myself good - I feel sick (somethings throw up) and I have to eat. I look in the mirror and jam my fingers into my rib cage and stumock imaginging cutting a hole and just sucking the fat out with my vaccume cleaner.
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