just rantin'...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by The_Discarded, Apr 4, 2007.

  1. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    [ :dry: can't sleep until i get rid of some of this anger...]

    Hey Mom?


    Jesus Christ. I wish you'd listen to me. I have a stomach full of anger these days. And to be honest with you, more than half of it is for you. I hate the angry me. I'm sick of being angry with you. You're so upset with me because I do things so that we can survive? You think I'm trying to make your life miserable? What is WRONG with you? Do you want to make me understand? Will you? Please? Because I don't, and I have tried. And I usually pick things up quickly.

    I HATE to say this to people, Mom, but GROW UP. I'm being more direct with you lately because I'm getting more fed up. You brought it on yourself. I'm not dealing with it anymore; your whining, your childish tantrums. I've tried to be patient and sympathetic, but --big surprise!-- even *I* have a breaking point. Start acting like an adult. It's not even as if I were asking you to shape up and be a mother. No, I don't need one of those. Just start taking some damned initiative, start engaging in responsible behaviors. I understand that you feel terrible sometimes, but SO DO I. And I do things because I have to. I am planning to lecture you until you get it together. All I'm asking for is a bit of help. Just an inch of help. And I've never asked you for anything other than something as simple as stopping to the grocery store-- and rarely would you even comply with that. I hardly ever express my frustrations with you through anything other than a slight amount of sarcasm in a typically ignored-by-you sentence. But I am on the VERGE OF LOSING ALL THAT IS LEFT OF MY MIND AND I WILL NOT LET YOU PUSH ME OFF OF THAT VERGE JUST YET. [yay, caps.]

    I don't even understand. What is it that you do that makes you so tired and incapable of finding work? Drinking and sleeping around all night? Honestly. I'm not trying to be particularly rude. I don't mean it that way at all. And I'd be one gigantic hypocrite to speak as if I've been an angel. But I'm curious... it's good to know what your parents 'do for a living', am I right?

    I'm sorry I've been such a pompous ass with you lately, but I am not --and have not, for a few weeks, been-- in the mood to continue that "Yes, ma'am, anything for you, I love you," (whereupon I, bound to be disappointed, wait for you to respond in kind) sort of behavior. It's pathetic. It makes me feel pathetic. I'm not the type to let myself be run over. I'm not a push over and I've always spoken up for myself. Why are you the only one I find it hard to confront? See? All this garbage. This Mommy Dearest-esque shit.

    I'll help you as much as I can but I seriously cannot raise TWO children in the condition I'm in. I thought I could, but I am TIRED. I am fed up. I am feeling like desperate crap. I am breaking... I am broken. Damn you for not noticing. Have you noticed my fatigue lately? Have you noticed my energy? It's GONE. An entire part of me, my buoyant energy was a humongous part of me. It's completely gone, until I get myself back on track. I have been too exhausted to focus on much of anything. Too exhausted to speak properly, too exhausted to do my school assignments to the best of my ability, too exhausted to stay awake doing typical daily chores. You're draining a lot of the energy that I used to have. Have you poked a whole in me somewhere? Is blood spilling out? I know I'm anemic and all, but it's unnatural to be so tired that you pass out in the apartment complex hallway. The very least you could do is notice. But you don't tend to care. I mean, that's fine. That's a characteristic part of who you are, I guess. You always remain so blissfully carefree (more honest part of me would say it's blatant ignorance), even in the worst of times.

    Obviously, I don't expect you to care. You don't tend to do things for other people, really. It all boils down to yourself. I guess that's where you and I differ. But hey, you're supposed to look out for yourself, sure. Hence, do this for you. It will make things a lot more organized for you and your chaotic issues. You'll be able to be as carefree as you want, minus the stress-induced crying spells.

    I mean it. Pull yourself together or I'll pull you together for you.

    I'm just sorry you make me so angry. You make me lose my calm demeanor. You steal it. All the time.

    Regardless, I love you, Mom. That's probably why I've let you. Don't think I can let you anymore, though, because there's little left of it to steal.

    [and oh my goodness, ranting is a life-high. I feel so much lighter. :blink: Assuming she'd actually read it, if I gave this to her, I'd be a feather. :laugh: ]
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope things get a bit better soon Rae :hug:
  3. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Scuse me for this reply Rae

    Hey Rae's Mom

    Grow the fuck up!! Start acting like a mom and less like a whiney teenager. Open your damn eyes and see what a spectacular daughter you have. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's so kind to others, she takes care of YOUR daughter and she's only 16. Open your eyes and see that she has been put through the ringer and she's still standing. Start realizing that you have put the burden of being a mother on her shoulders at 16, you have put the responsibilities of basically taking care of a family, working two jobs and going to school on her because you can't handle things. Well, you know what you need to because you are the ADULT and Rae is the child. Grow the fuck up and see that!!! before your daughter hates you completely.

    Sorry had to do that. I love you Rae.
  4. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    Love ya Kels.