I am having terrible flashbacks and panic attacks. Fall is always bad time for me, and Nov 11th is worst day. It is ironic, on Rembrance Day, I remember yet, but not soldiers, I remember another battle, a battle I lost, a battle where part of me died and ex-boyfriend took part of my soul. So I called doctor today, left message. I can barely remember what I said. She called me back right away. She made appointment for tomorrow morning at 8 am, so trying to hang on for 12 hours. I tried calling a few friends but then feel guilty bothering them with this. So I am writing here instead. Like I said am having flashbacks. Hearing programs on TV, hearing ceremonies, seeing poppies just brings images back. Thank God it wasn't raining today, I think that would have pushed me over the edge. Thing is, now I that have appointment, I am not sure what to tell her tomorrow morning. I usually get there and then I freeze and don't know what to say. All I know is that this year has been worse then others. There is alot more detail that I am remembering. I hope this post makes some sense.