• Please read the thread in Forum News and Announcements pertaining to race related discussion on SF - thank you :)

Just realized

Marga

Well-Known Member
#3
It's an interesting idea but it implies that there was no added value for your ex in the relationship. Which certainly is not true. Everyone has something to bring to a relationship and to offer to their partner. It can be something else than "cuteness". If she didn't see it, she didn't look well.😉😉😉
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#5
It's an interesting idea but it implies that there was no added value for your ex in the relationship. Which certainly is not true. Everyone has something to bring to a relationship and to offer to their partner. It can be something else than "cuteness". If she didn't see it, she didn't look well.😉😉😉
She's still my Cutey:)
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#6
Yeah, I've been telling her for years but I think she still tunes it out. When we first hooked up, she was sort of offended that I called her my Cutey. She diddn't want to be thought of as merely 'cute'.
Ah, I see. I understand. I've been called this less than an hour ago myself and I gave the person a killer look. lol

What about complimenting her on like an achievement or something important she does? I know that those are much more acceptable to me at least.
Not that you have to compliment her, it's just a suggestion. ;) :D
 

MichaelKay

Well-Known Member
#7
If she doesn't being liked called that and you still insist; Are you in love with HER or the idea of her?

Really if she doesn't like it, don't call her that. If she doesn't wanna be reduced to your comforting, cute teddy bear, don't do it. Treat her like the person she is instead of your idealized version of her.

Some people just don't like praise, being touted as "cute" etc. So if that's the case with her, just don't do it?

It's no critique of your feelings but I know from myself I feel choked in a relationship the moment a woman tells me "she loves me" or wants to be with me all the time. I just don't like that and it makes me feel weird. Some people need space and not being told constantly they're "cute, sexy, nice, romantic, amazing, fantastic, loveable" etc.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#8
Ah, I see. I understand. I've been called this less than an hour ago myself and I gave the person a killer look. lol
I'll say to you exactly what I said to her, because it's the truth: "How many people on this planet have never been thought of as cute, and would happily die for anyone at all to think of them that way, even once?". That's probably when she started tuning me out.
What about complimenting her on like an achievement or something important she does? I know that those are much more acceptable to me at least.
Not that you have to compliment her, it's just a suggestion. ;):D
That would be an excellent suggestion for most couples, (we aren't a couple any more)but she's very smart, and would say something like, "Oh, shut up" and I'd laugh, and we'd keep eating Burger King in the parking lot.
 

MichaelKay

Well-Known Member
#9
I'll say to you exactly what I said to her, because it's the truth: "How many people on this planet have never been thought of as cute, and would happily die for anyone at all to think of them that way, even once?". That's probably when she started tuning me out.

That would be an excellent suggestion for most couples, (we aren't a couple any more)but she's very smart, and would say something like, "Oh, shut up" and I'd laugh, and we'd keep eating Burger King in the parking lot.
Not saying this is the case but have you considered if acting a bit more laidback/less interested would make things easier? No one ever really craved me (well once but I was 14 at the time) so I can't say how it feels but from anecdotes of friends the "I'm so into you I can't stop thinking about you all the time" approach doesn't really work. People don't wanna feel like the person admiring them are desperate to get them, however romantic that might sound.

People don't fall in love with themselves. They fall in love with people who are different (and yeah, then they turn into this "in love" couple that shares personalities for a few months until it starts fading). So maybe being yourself, not so visibly trying to get with her would be better for you perhaps? Taking it slow and diminish your visible interest in her? Be more "yourself" and hope to entice her that way?
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#10
Not saying this is the case but have you considered if acting a bit more laidback/less interested would make things easier? No one ever really craved me (well once but I was 14 at the time) so I can't say how it feels but from anecdotes of friends the "I'm so into you I can't stop thinking about you all the time" approach doesn't really work. People don't wanna feel like the person admiring them are desperate to get them, however romantic that might sound.

People don't fall in love with themselves. They fall in love with people who are different (and yeah, then they turn into this "in love" couple that shares personalities for a few months until it starts fading). So maybe being yourself, not so visibly trying to get with her would be better for you perhaps? Taking it slow and diminish your visible interest in her? Be more "yourself" and hope to entice her that way?
She knows I still love her, it's not worth talking about. She also loves me. I also know it. We won't be getting back together, neither one of us wants that. She's happier now. I am, too. Shit happens, keeps happening and then stops being shit at some point.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#11
I'll say to you exactly what I said to her, because it's the truth: "How many people on this planet have never been thought of as cute, and would happily die for anyone at all to think of them that way, even once?". That's probably when she started tuning me out.

That would be an excellent suggestion for most couples, (we aren't a couple any more)but she's very smart, and would say something like, "Oh, shut up" and I'd laugh, and we'd keep eating Burger King in the parking lot.
Huh, "shut up" is my favourite answer, too...
Well, yes and no, I don't necessarily think it's fair because she's the one being called cute, it's up to her. If someone doesn't want to be called a certain way, they probably have valid reasons for it (I know I do), and yes, other people might feel a different way about it and it might seem ungrateful to them, but the fact remains that it doesn't feel that way for her/me.
I won't accept just anyone calling me whatever they want to call me just because they think it's universally nice to hear (take the example of "sexy" instead of "cute". Some people are not offended, others might very much, for whatever reasons.).
I would happily call 'cute' a person who's never heard it and to whom it matters (although I personally prefer using other words to convey the same message). It's not that hard to stop calling someone something they don't like.

It's really not a big deal, and I certainly didn't intend it to be and I don't want to debate this, it's just my opinion and you can do with it what you wish. To me, we're good. ;)
 

Sunspots

Pffffeckn amazin
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#12
from anecdotes of friends the "I'm so into you I can't stop thinking about you all the time" approach doesn't really work. People don't wanna feel like the person admiring them are desperate to get them,
Speak for yourself. I had that once, briefly, and after half a lifetime of being made to feel 'less', it was the hottest thing ever. It certainly worked for me and at no point did he come across as desperate, just damn sexy.

"How many people on this planet have never been thought of as cute, and would happily die for anyone at all to think of them that way, even once?"
*hiya
 

Marga

Well-Known Member
#13
I don't see what's wrong with being called cute. It doesn't mean you are "only cute and nothing else". I think compliments are nice and it's not bad to accept and cherish them as such.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#14
I don't see what's wrong with being called cute. It doesn't mean you are "only cute and nothing else". I think compliments are nice and it's not bad to accept and cherish them as such.
Nothing is inherently wrong with it. It's a personal matter, not a universal one.
 

MichaelKay

Well-Known Member
#15
Speak for yourself. I had that once, briefly, and after half a lifetime of being made to feel 'less', it was the hottest thing ever. It certainly worked for me and at no point did he come across as desperate, just damn sexy.


*hiya
I thought I was speaking for myself. As someone who has problems with intimacy and "declarations/statements of love"; I said some people have a hard time dealing with that and I'm one of those that have. And since I know it's one of the core symptoms of my illness, which other people also has if I'm to believe psychiatric statistics, I feel I might not be alone with such issues. But I am solely speaking from my own experience and from the impressions I have from people around me in relationships. I thought that was quite clear but perhaps it wasn't?!?
 

Sunspots

Pffffeckn amazin
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#16
I thought that was quite clear but perhaps it wasn't?!?
I wasn't attacking you. Maybe it's more of a British saying but "speak for yourself" is a pretty jokey term, not to be taken seriously.

But no, it wasn't clear although perhaps that's my interpretation. When you stated: "from anecdotes of friends the "I'm so into you I can't stop thinking about you all the time" approach doesn't really work. People don't wanna feel like the person admiring them are desperate to get them, however romantic that might sound." that sounded like a generalisation, not just your personal experience.
 
Last edited:

MichaelKay

Well-Known Member
#17
I wasn't attacking you. Maybe it's more of a British saying but "speak for yourself" is a pretty jokey term, not to be taken seriously.

But no, it wasn't clear although perhaps that's my interpretation. When you stated: "from anecdotes of friends the "I'm so into you I can't stop thinking about you all the time" approach doesn't really work. People don't wanna feel like the person admiring them are desperate to get them, however romantic that might sound." that sounded like a generalisation, not just your personal experience.

Fair enough. I can only speak for myself and the experiences I have. I can't say if my few friends and me are "people in general" but that's what I know and can speak about.
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$90.00
Goal
$255.00
Top