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Just really feeling bad about life in general

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Neverhere, Sep 21, 2006.

  1. Neverhere

    Neverhere Guest

    Life just feels like a merry-go round and i keep getting hit by the horses :sad: people annoy me and infuriate me so much i feel like screaming at them "you've got no idea!!!" i cant be bothered to write down all that im feeling it would take too long but im pretty angry and im really sad :mad: :sad:
  2. TTrocP

    TTrocP Guest

    I'm sorry people treat you so horribly, it's definately not fair or right. You deserve better. Don't be afraid to tell people you don't like being treated that way. I hope you feel better soon
  3. Neverhere

    Neverhere Guest

    I thought i would expand on my last post and thnaks for replying. It's like i can't seem to get anything right and if i felt isolated from my family in the past, this has got to be the most out of place i've ever felt. It's like my cousins are the golden people of this family, all intelligent, all clever and everything i am not. It was my eldest cousins wedding last week and yet when i got to that church all i wanted to do was run far, far away. I felt happy for them but knowing what i know about marriages i couldn't sum up the appropriate overwhelming "awwwwwww".
    I am the black sheep, i've been that way for so long my painting in this picture won't change. I know my grandmother thinks i'm the same evil bitch i was four years ago, she doesn't need to tell me because all the small comments that she claims "mean nothing" mean a hell of a lot to me,. E.g i was lookind at old video footage of me when i was 11 and my hair was supposed to be red and blonde meaning it was more orange. I said "Why didnt anyone say i looked like that?" in a jokey way. Her grandmotherly reply was "Because you'd have probably hit us". I'm not excusing my past behaviour but i've thought a lot lately and i know why i acted how i did, why i treated all those people so badly. And im so sorry because of it. Anyway to continue i dropped out of college after three days and i know my family wish i would go back but it's not happening. I also need a job, although i strongly suspect i have social anxiety*i wrote about it another thread in disorders forum no point going into details here*. So what is perceived as lazy and carelessness is in fact a huge fear for me. Okay i can't be bothered to rant about my purposeless life anymore.