Hi all, I'm new here and thought I'd give a little background. I've suffered from severe depression all my life. Most of the time I just got on with life and ignored it. I always thought that there tomorrow things could change. But in the last few years, there have just been too many tomorrows where things haven't changed. Despite doing all the things that people suggest would help: exercise; meeting and mixing with people; setting and achieving goals. So it's only been the last few years where I've actually starting thinking about and attempting suicide. Though it's strange because it's not so much that I want to die, it's more that I just don't want to live anymore. I did go my doctor when I started feeling suicidal and was put on various types and strengths of anti-depressents, but they didn't make any difference. One attempt led to hospitalisation at the end of 2010, after which I was put under the care of a psychiatrist and a community psychiatric nurse (CPN), but neither were able to engender any kind of trust in me and so were unable to help me. I was discharged by both of them a few months back, so I'm not currently receiving any medical help. The main problem I have is that for 95% of the time, I don't want any help that isn't helping me to die. The other 5% of the time, when I consider asking for help, there’s no-one I feel I can go to. But even if there was, I wouldn’t know how. Add to that, the fact that I really don’t feel it’s worth anyone else’s time and effort to help me. I have always lived alone. I've had a few girlfriends, but I've never really felt worthy of love. I currently live in a tower block, where the occupants of the flats above and below me are continually making noise, making my home a hell to be in. I've raised an anti-social behaviour complaint, but it's been going on since last September and it hasn't helped. In fact things are worse. And this just adds to my desire to die. As does the fact that my attempts have failed so far. It shouldn't be that difficult, yet i'm still here. If I were a better man, I would have been able to succeed by now, a thought which just depresses me further and gives me more reason to die. So that's my current situation in a nutshell. I don't want to whine, and I apologise if it comes across as if I am. All the best to all, P.