Hi I just found this forum and wanted to introduce myself. I have attempted to take my own life on about 5 different occasions, and failed, obviously. Recently I am constantly thinking about it, planning it, the only thing that's stopping me is the pain I'd cause my family (who live in another country), and also maybe a glimmer of hope that things can get better, but it just seems so impossible to get out of the situation I'm in. I've been a heroin addict for over 2 decades (I just turned 39 2 days ago and my birthday always makes me even more depressed than usual), I have no partner, no kids, stuck on a methadone program but also still using heroin and valium, I just can't stop.. There's not much I haven't done to get my drugs, sold drugs, sold The Big Issue (homeless paper), even sat and begged in the street, but mostly prostitution. I feel worthless, hopeless, so lonely, my body is a mess because of self-harming, a blood-clot in my leg left both my legs covered in huge ugly varicose veins and I'm covered in scars from, well, life really. I hate summer because I can't wear shorts or skirts like I used to, so I'm walking about uncomfortably hot and end up not going out at all. I haven't left the house or washed or got dressed for the last two days, I can go weeks without washing if I'm not "working". As much as I hate it, at least I have money for food etc when I'm working coz every penny goes on drugs. I just don't see a way out anymore and I'm exhausted, I'm screaming for help but they always blame everything on the drugs, but at the same time you don't get much help with that either, apart from a methadone script that has never worked for me. Sorry for the rant, I just meant to introduce myself..