Just sheep rambling

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by wheresmysheep, Mar 29, 2009.

  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    idk if i want to be better. i want to do certain things and see certain places and people, but will never do that without getting better, but i highly doubt i will ever be ok, and i dont want to hear from a "professional" ok we're done i'd rather just stay alone or go.
    i have to go to the doctors tomorrow to get a letter of referal to a psychiatrist and this is really botherng me. thinking about it is getting me all worked up and anxious, yes i realise its for the best so rational responces to this particular bit wont settle me, it will most likely just enrage me.
    i'm scared to lay bare everything thats inside. so far i have let bits and pieces out, and only one person hasnt been scepticle of it, well if they have they havent shown it, and them not being scepticle has kinda made me feel worse cause i'd rather be shunned so i could cut myself off from them. i dont want to feel this way. in any minute amount.
    i feel so low, and i just want it all out. i hate this
     
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    :hug:

    I like you :D

    And i know i am not helping you but saying this but i do
     
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :arms:

    (e-hugs are totally going to make you feel better. :mad:)
     
  4. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    (quoted for emphasis :mad:)

    :hug:
     
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    there was a time when i didnt know what to make of you two.

    now i just know your just plain silly.
    :arms:

    thank you both.

    thanks you too.
     
  6. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member

    oh em!!! :hug:

    Em please get better!!! I have worked my butt off to get where I am and I couldn't have done it without out!!! PLease talk to me!!! I know you alway's want to seem like the strong one, the one that will help everyone else but herself! You are so amazing Em and you deserve to get out there and see things, meet people and do whatever the hell you want to do!!

    Please em... We only have this life. Make good use of it!! I love you with all my heart! I think about you every day man!

    xo

    Victoria :hug:
     
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won’t know for twenty years. And you’ll never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it’s what you create. Even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but doesn’t really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope for something good to come along. Something to make you feel connected, to make you feel whole, to make you feel loved. And the truth is I’m so angry and the truth is I’m so fucking sad, and the truth is I’ve been so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long have been pretending I’m OK, just to get along, just for, I don’t know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own, and their own is too overwhelming to allow them to listen to or care about mine. Well, fuck everybody.


    would have ot find someone elses words to show my own thoughts. :rolleyes:
     
  8. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    thanks hun, just had enough of reaching out tbh, even though this thread is one in itself.

    just havent the strength for reaching.
    want to but dont all in the same time.

    i'm trying to continue i am genuinely trying. for some reasons, some i'm aware of, some i'm uncertain of, and some i'm sure i'm not aware of.

    but these reasons will most likely never come to pass, or come anywhere near me. so meh.

    choices ey
     
  9. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    WHY THE FUCK EVEN FUCKING TRY! my doctors had not fucking appointments till friday apparently, but yet someone called and got a fucking appointment at half fucking 4!
    what the fuck people!!
    do i have something on my fucking face saying "this girl is easy to fob off"
    fucking cnuts!!!! i am fucking angry, hurt, pissed off, alone.

    f8uytxv
    ffs how the fuck are you supposed to get fucking better with this shit going on.
    virus fucing database updated i dont fucking care (pop up for my avast)

    and the when i got in all i got off the fucking bitch of a "mother" was 'i knew it, its your own fault. should have caled last friday'
    o-ujm
    qilclhkujfrgt#kthm '
    like wtf cnut
    your are a piece of work.

    i didnt even get out of bed on friday, apart from to go to dublin cause y appointment on saturday.
    bitch
    this isnt some fucking game i'm playing. i'm not pretending or choosing all this shit. who in their fucking right mind would!!
    why the fuck would i choose all this????
    ][poiuhgbotch
    i cant fucking tell you how much i hate and despise you. and sorry to anyone reading this who has lost a parent.

    but she is only my mother biologically.

    she's done fuck all after bringing me into this world.


    and who do i have to turn to now in this moment of rage and anger and self loathing and temptation.

    no one.
    not even my own fucking mother.

    the one person i can think of, i dont want to bopther with this shit. its all fucking trivial anyway
     
  10. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    i dont wnat to be fucking here. uselss cock bite sob
    might get wasted in a field. who'd be the wiser ey :dry: