I made the greatest mistake of my life yesterday...signed on for another 6 months to the Worst Job at the Worst School in the Worst Country in the World. For nearly 6 years I've been trying to escape this abusive place (seriously the Worst - once they didn't pay me for 5 months, but that's another story). My therapist and I worked out a plan: negotiate a 6 month contract last year, and get a job in my own country (Australia - where the school year begins in January, so jobs go up in September - November) for 2016.It was essential that I get a job, since my family has pretty much disowned their little suicidal failure and I have no friends I can crash with. The problem is, I couldn't send out my resume in September, like the piece of shit coward I am. The reason? This year the new heads of the middle and upper schools decided that they had to put me in my place (I suspect I give off "I'm a submissive piece of shit, please abuse me" vibes), began giving me the same shit my mother and stepfather always did. Eventually I broke down and confessed about the privately negotiated contract - just like I always did with my parents. The shit hit the fan and I was branded this monster who was given an unfair advantage.That was it: my psyche had to roll over for an abuser - I couldn't bring myself to send out my resume for the past 3 months, even though my chances of landing a job in Australia was the strongest it's been in years. So, being the submissive piece of shit that I am, I've lost my opportunity to better myself forever. The heads will continue to shit on me and will never give me a reference, I've ruined my chances at life, just like my mother told me I would. I'm going to die here, I know it. I'm just so afraid to lose this shitty job, because it's the only thing I've got. I have to go in to work every day now, because if I stay in the apartment while sober I will kill myself.