Just sit on my bed and cry...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TaylorCameron, Aug 22, 2011.

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  1. TaylorCameron

    TaylorCameron Member

    I've been diagnosed with autoimmune disease, my skin is always flaming from vasodilation, I'm itchy and my joints ache.The treatments that my Dr are prescribing do not work.I have another appointment with him soon.

    Stretch marks have formed everywhere, and I can't eradicate them.

    I dropped out of school ( being an A student) and that ended my then-goal of being a neurosurgeon. I work as a book keeper at home now for the fam business.

    Several suicide attempts over the past two years , my Grandfather who raised me died of organ failure last year.

    I earn an average salary and My inheritance is substanstial but I havent touched it. All I want is to be cured and happy again ... Have been considering doing an online course to get a qualifiation in Nutritional Science.

    But I try and try and try but the pain inside and out is too much... nothing is progressing... except my pain.

    Is it best to kill myself

    Taylor
     
  2. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    hey welcome to the forum.... nice to meet you - im ellie :shake:

    sorry to hear you are suffering so much :( hopefully the docs will be able to help and sort out immunosupressants or whatever it is you need :hug: hopefully if you can get your health feeling better perhaps you will start to feel better overall... i know that can be the case with me

    hope you find sf helpful and its a great place to get some support :hug:
     
  3. Payje

    Payje Member

    Hi and welcome :)
    I can relate with you dropping out of school and how it felt, I was exactly the same, an A* student and was planning to go to university and study to become a neonatal paediatrician but instead I'm doing a beauty therapy course just so that I'm doing something making me feel isolated :(

    Hope things pick up for you :)
     
  4. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Hi Taylor,

    I have autoimmune diseases as well, and know what a devasting impact it can have on your life. Not many people really understand the pain I'm constantly in, which is difficult too. I dropped out of uni 7 years ago, but have gone back now and the experience I gained in those 7 years has been invaluable, so now I don't regret it at all.

    Keep on at your doctors to help you, and do your own research so you're fully informed of your conditions. Consider that course - it sounds interesting and will help you feel that you're progressing, as well as being a useful qualification.

    Have faith that things will get better.

    Mim
     
  5. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    What kind of medications are you on right now??

    I just can't deal with it anymore so I know what you mean. It has to be put under some control or I go into severe depression, my fatigue isn't as horrible right now, but the pain has been, and I am really limited with what I can take, haven't tried prednisone yet but my rheumy wouldn't let me try it.

    I'm not okay relying on one medication. It takes a combination of quite a few. I'm taking plaquenil & imuran and it helps the fatigue, the neuropathy, muscle weakness, certain types of pain I have, and my bladder problems.
    I'm taking mobic now for the pain. Not sure how that is going to work out yet. I also take neurontin for neuropathy pain and sometimes it's been a life saver. Lately it hasn't worked as well. Seem to be getting used to it, lucky me..

    What would be best.. is for you to tell your doctor you feel that way. They can't help if they don't know about this. Maybe it'll make them more willing to do what they need to do to help. We shouldn't have to just sit around and suffer like this. My days of doing that are over.
     
  6. TaylorCameron

    TaylorCameron Member

    Music helps my depression, but the social anxiety is always lingering.

    I just don't associate with people, I'm a loner.But as for my autoimmune disease, skin lesions etc I am considering bringing about the Revimune protocol ( being done now at Johns Hopkins).

    Sigh.. one can only hope
     
  7. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Big hugs to you, Taylor. :hug: I can't imagine what you're going through... hope the protocol you're considering bringing about helps you out a bit. And lastly, welcome.

    :wave:

    Nice meeting you. :)
     
  8. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    I have no answers to the physical problems you have, I wish i had a magic wand thats all i know.
    Seems to me its so often the good people who get it the worse.
    Perhaps thats why they continue to be good people and not turn into the other sort, its an inner strength that comes to the fore, dunno.
    Hope? Damn, hold onto that one, no one can take it from you............but its so, so easy to give away.
    Keep fighting and stay strong. Intention, thats the key.
    I so wish you well.
     
  9. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Be careful with online courses - some are accredited and have recognised qualifications - I trust your fairly bright and on top of all that.

    As for the auto immune disease - diet and exercise I suppose would be the easiest practical strategies. I mean - you have to consider everything you use - any cleaning products even - as you can get allergic reactions and then your body obviously fights back.

    I understand your condition is an over-reaction of the bodies self defence system - no doubt you have studied hard as to the causes and remedies and so on.

    Thing is - not to give up hope.

    Also - I know your self concious about this - but woman have it also. Had a mate who had terrible skin lesions - a woman - and she was very self concious. But it clears up - and I think stress and depression does not the matter.

    Of course younger children go through hell sometimes with bullying and so on - this is a shame - a shame on the bullies because they have the real problem - not anyone who happens to look different.

    I'm happy your working at least - bookkeeping is something. And your inheritance, take great care of that. Your granddad sounds like he was real nice man also.

    As for music - go to an extremely loud rock gig - stand in a mosh pit - nobody cares mate - I mean everyone is together - you will talk to someone or throw someone to the floor for a good old rock and roll moment.

    Do you play music?

    Or are you just a music lover?

    Hope you can get some joy with the treatment you are thinking of starting - and have you changed your diet dramatically? Well - I'd go veg - even vegan just to see. I've known people done quite well via diet alone - and eating the right things is always a good idea regardless of health.

    So good luck and try not to get too despondent mate - I know its hard - but you got people here who understand your illness and the depression also. We do relate to you and I suppose we'll bond if you stick around.

    Best of luck bro!

    Regards.
     
  10. TaylorCameron

    TaylorCameron Member

    Music helps my depression, but the social anxiety is always lingering.

    I just don't associate with people, I'm a loner.But as for my autoimmune disease, skin lesions etc I am considering bringing about the Revimune protocol ( being done now at Johns Hopkins).

    Sigh.. one can only hope
     
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