Just so alone and hurting, so why even continue

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by HomerSimpson, Aug 19, 2008.

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  1. HomerSimpson

    HomerSimpson Well-Known Member

    I literally have no one in my life that I feel a connection with. I do not have that one person or anyone for that matter that says "glad to see you", "I have missed you", "I am happy you are here", etc, and I am 34 years old. I have no hope in my life I feel hopeless, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to, I have lost all passion for anything that I did have.

    I have felt this way for years now, and the pain from the loneliness and everything just hurts so bad, so I ask myself why should I continue to put myself through this. I am not trying to sound angry, but please do not give me the ol' "you never know what tomorrow brings" garbage, because I do know...for the last 4-5 years it has brought me more and more grief taking me one step closer to suicide. Am I supposed to keep waiting for that one day, while at the same time as I wait I suffer more and more. It is just not worth it. I am at the point of not being sad, but being angry and ready to end it all. I ask myself what in the world did I do to deserve this, what did I do to deserve to feel this way. I am a good person, that is the only positive thing in my life I know of.
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You need to channel your anger into a positive way. You're angry and frustrated that you don't have a special someone. Well go and do something about that. Being suicidal isn't going to make someone fall head over heels in love with you. Women these days are hard to please.
     
  3. HomerSimpson

    HomerSimpson Well-Known Member

    I do not even know if it is a woman I mean, I think I just mean anyone really. I do not know if even having someone will take away from just that "lost soul" feeling I have for life. Just the point of why put myself through so much misery in hopes of one day, and no telling when that they will come, that one day I may be happy. This depression has finally, at least for the moment got me to the point that life is not worth the gamble that one day I may be happy.
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Not all of us are hard to please hun (lol). I'm happy just knowing you are giving it the best you can and that I hope you know you have many friends here that care. Please be strong! Sometimes having many people that care like the members here far outweighs having just one!
     
  5. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    homer

    im sorry ur feeling so unloved , unimportant , id love to talk to u add me if uve got msn trouble.jo@hotmail.co.uk we can chat , ill be pleased to get to know u :hug:

    jo x
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Homer,
    Do you belong to any groups, do you have a best friend? Is there absolutely no one you talk to? I'm not trying to upset you, I am just trying to get things straight in my own head. The only thing I can say is you have to get out there for the ladies to get to know you. Are you shy? I am just the oppisite of you I don't want any friends outside of the forum. I prefer to be by myself. No one can harm you when you are an isolationist.
    Please don't give up, once you start getting out more you will meet people and make friends. Hopefully you will meet that certain someone!! I know it is hard. I couldn't do it. I have faith in you that things will work out..Take Care!!
     
  7. HomerSimpson

    HomerSimpson Well-Known Member

    This is one time I am not sure anyone understands what I am saying here. Heck maybe I do not understand myself. Take for example last year me and a group of people trained for a marathon, and it was the best time of my life. Each day I woke up with having something to look forward to. We would all run and train together, and it felt great because there was so much positive energy, but torward the end of it all it made me realize just how alone I am. When we would finish all the people I was with would go home to there families, there loved ones, wives, husbands, boy and girlfriends, and I would go home to litterally nothing. I know plenty of people and have plenty of "aquantinces", and friends. I have lost all my closest friends due to depression, and I tried to reconnect, but it is just not the same anymore. It is not easy to just "get out" when you feel as worthless and as empty as I am feeling right now. Like I said this is not like this is something new I have had these suicidal feeling for a long time.
     
  8. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    Is your depression unresponsive to medication? Mine is or more specifically I can only stay on low dosages because of intense side effects. Have you ever been hospitalized and tried several combinations of medications under close observation?

    Sufferers of mental illness live in a much different world than the majority of the population. It is hard to relate to people who don't wake up and hate to get out of bed. People who's concerns revolve around dating, parties or chasing trends not wrestling with despair, nonexistent self- esteem and morbid thoughts.

    Until there is a medication or a medical device or procedure that restores our mood and functioning to a meaningful quality of life realistically we have only an ongoing struggle. I believe though we all still have life affirming times and we have tools like therapy and resources like the camaraderie and support on this forum. I hope you get relief from your pain soon. :arms:
     
  9. HomerSimpson

    HomerSimpson Well-Known Member


    I have never tried medication simply because I have no health insurance. Your second paragraph pretty much summed it all up. I will get relief from this pain soon, I can guarantee it because death is better than this.
     
  10. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    You could try a supplement like 5htp it could help, with that said I don't think medication is the answer to everything. You may not even have a serotonin imbalance there could be other underlying causes to your depression.

    There's a saying that goes those who look to happiness from others will never be satisfied.. With that said I know when one is feeling down on themselves they tend to look to other people for happiness and gratification.

    The solution here is doing things that make you happy with yourself, for me I enjoyed working out, I smoked pot to ease my pain which made me anxious and not want to go out but I had fun with my video games, I also took dexedrin which gave me a good dopamine boost. Now don't get me wrong here I'm not telling you to take dexedrin and smoke pot but fixing some kind of chemical inbalance could be helpful along with doing things to boost your self esteem, that you are passioniate about.

    If you find a way to be happy with yourself I'm sure you'll let love in so to speak, you will find multiple connections with others. That confidence will let you get out more often and others will notice and become attracted to it.
    even if you don't get connected with is unlikely it won't matter because you are happy with yourself.


    I know exactly how you're feeling with the what did I do to deserve this. If you can try to muster up some gratitude for what you have be it a roof to live under, good physical health, a unique skill or trait, etc.. something that many people in this world are lacking it may help you have a different prespective on things even if only for a few minutes.

    Being selfish isn't such a bad, like dave said try to focus that energy into something positive. as I mentioned earlier working out was something I really liked, it releases endorphines works up a good sweat and gives you a nice body which improves your selfesteem on a couple different levels.
     
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