Just so exhausted.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by HomerSimpson, Mar 18, 2013.

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  1. HomerSimpson

    HomerSimpson Well-Known Member

    For the last 5 years my job was to take care of my grandmother who's health was growing worse each day. She raised me, and her biggest fear was to be put in a nursing home. I made that decision to take care of her, but I sacrificed a big part of my life in doing so. She passed away this past year, and things have only got worse for me.

    After she passed away, her brother contested the will and I was forced to move out and move in with my mother. Words cannot describe the pure hell that happens here. Yelling, screaming, argueing, fighting, walls being punched. My brothers main concern who lives here, as well, is to get drugs 24/7. He is simply a worthless drug addict who's main concern is drugs. My mother enables it and just puts up with by making excuses. For the 5 years I took care of my grandmother I went back to school and got my college degree, but I have been turned down for so many good jobs in the last year it is ridiculous. I just simply know I cannot live this life I am having to live. I have lived in this pure hell for 1 year now, and just cannot do it anymore. I do not have any other family to stay with. My only hope was to get a good paying job and move straight out, but I have lost hope. A friend said he could get me a job where he works maybe, but it does not pay much, so how in the world will I be able to move out. The real problem is it starts at 6 am and explain to me when literally there is screaming and fighting going on until 4 am how in the world would I get any sleep.

    I am living in a black hole that is my life, and I need an immediate solution right now. I am 38 years old, and have sacrificed so much, and yet to have lived life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2013
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    sighs. I am so sorry this is happening. So sorry to hear that your grandmother died. And then all of this. I can tell that you are a good person. Hopefully you can start at the job your friend talked about AND find someone who is emotionally stable who has a sofa or bed you can use until you can heal and turn things around. I hear ya when you write about how unhealthy it is where you are living. I will send some good energy and thoughts your way. Because you deserve them !!!
     
  3. yep

    yep Well-Known Member

    My response in bue
    For the last 5 years my job was to take care of my grandmother who's health was growing worse each day. She raised me, and her biggest fear was to be put in a nursing home. I made that decision to take care of her, but I sacrificed a big part of my life in doing so. She passed away this past year, and things have only got worse for me.
    It seems that although it was a sacrifice for you to look after you grandmother, since she died everything has changed for you.

    After she passed away, her brother contested the will and I was forced to move out and move in with my mother. Words cannot describe the pure hell that happens here. Yelling, screaming, argueing, fighting, walls being punched. My brothers main concern who lives here, as well, is to get drugs 24/7. He is simply a worthless drug addict who's main concern is drugs. My mother enables it and just puts up with by making excuses.
    I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to have to live there.
    For the 5 years I took care of my grandmother I went back to school and got my college degree, but I have been turned down for so many good jobs in the last year it is ridiculous. I just simply know I cannot live this life I am having to live.
    As you know you cannot live a life as you do now, what do you think your options are to change that at the present time?
    I have lived in this pure hell for 1 year now, and just cannot do it anymore.
    Can you tell me if you mean you are thinking about killing yourself?
    I do not have any other family to stay with. My only hope was to get a good paying job and move straight out, but I have lost hope.
    You are writing to this forum because you still have some hope left. You are not alone. There are people here who are struggling with life in different ways and are willing to support you until you get through this temporal crisis.
    A friend said he could get me a job where he works maybe, but it does not pay much, so how in the world will I be able to move out. The real problem is it starts at 6 am and explain to me when literally there is screaming and fighting going on until 4 am how in the world would I get any sleep.
    How did you find this friend that gave you this idea of this job? Did you ask him for a job or what? As you start to get some options for resolving the practicalities of living on your own, perhaps you want to think how you have survived other crisis in your life in the past and use it to get through this crisis too.

    I am living in a black hole that is my life, and I need an immediate solution right now. I am 38 years old, and have sacrificed so much, and yet to have lived life
    Yes, you have sacrificed so much of your life for another human being, Not many do that and yet you have the right to be happy yourself with your life. As you say, you do have a life to live. I cannot offer you a solution now, I can only say, you are not alone, hold on and you will succeed.
    Keep us updated.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2013
  4. HomerSimpson

    HomerSimpson Well-Known Member

    As you know you cannot live a life as you do now, what do you think your options are to change that at the present time? This is the problem..I do not see any options. Only option is if a miracle happens immediately and I get a job that pays enough where I can leave the torment I am in.

    Can you tell me if you mean you are thinking about killing yourself?

    Without a shadow of a doubt, and the other day when all the fighting was going on if I would have had an easy way to do it I would had without hesitation.

    You are writing to this forum because you still have some hope left. You are not alone. There are people here who are struggling with life in different ways and are willing to support you until you get through this temporal crisis.

    How did you find this friend that gave you this idea of this job? Did you ask him for a job or what?
    I asked him about it.


    Yes, you have sacrificed so much of your life for another human being, Not many do that and yet you have the right to be happy yourself with your life. As you say, you do have a life to live. I cannot offer you a solution now, I can only say, you are not alone, hold on and you will succeed.
    Keep us updated.
    [/QUOTE]
    Yes I have a life to live and so much to offer, but I look at it as with all the stuff I have went through these past years, fate is telling me no matter what this is the life you will always live. This is not a life worth living. I fear living this life more than I fear suicide.
     
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