I don't know what to do Its all over now, and I have so many emotions I feel sad, angry, depressed, used. Living here is going to be torture. I have a firm commitment, at least in my head, to move out in about 2 months from now, mid year break, but its all money permitting. The irony is so fucking sweet. Just as she starts to get better, starts to go out a bit more, I'm tossed to the curb. But what can I do? If there is nothing between us anymore, there's nowhere to go, no more make-ups to be had. I just feel like the last 1 1/2 years were wasted in a way. Sure I got to experience something I hadn't enjoyed in a long time, but it's all over now...collapsed, dead. I say I'll be friends but of course the thought of her with someone else, and I'm sure it will happen eventually, would just eat me alive. I will have to cut total contact when that happens. If not before. I don't want to hear about how her life is getting better. I went through all the shit, just to miss out on the best part...Does that make me a bad person? And the money that's owed..ill be pursuing that in full. If I'm gonna be a miserable, at least I plan to be miserable in comfort. Does that make me an asshole as well? Honestly I don't give a shit if it does. I can't focus on other things to take my mind off it. I need to get as far away from here as I can, as quickly as possible. Fuck I wish I had the money to go to Europe or somewhere. I want to obliterate any thoughts to do with this whole sorry mess now. But why should I pull my body over hot coals for getting the short end of the stick? It's hardly fucking fair. I'll never make this mistake again. Ever.