Just so gutted

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LetItGo, Apr 21, 2009.

  1. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I don't know what to do

    Its all over now, and I have so many emotions

    I feel sad, angry, depressed, used.

    Living here is going to be torture. I have a firm commitment, at least in my head, to move out in about 2 months from now, mid year break, but its all money permitting.

    The irony is so fucking sweet. Just as she starts to get better, starts to go out a bit more, I'm tossed to the curb. But what can I do? If there is nothing between us anymore, there's nowhere to go, no more make-ups to be had. I just feel like the last 1 1/2 years were wasted in a way. Sure I got to experience something I hadn't enjoyed in a long time, but it's all over now...collapsed, dead.

    I say I'll be friends but of course the thought of her with someone else, and I'm sure it will happen eventually, would just eat me alive. I will have to cut total contact when that happens. If not before. I don't want to hear about how her life is getting better. I went through all the shit, just to miss out on the best part...Does that make me a bad person?

    And the money that's owed..ill be pursuing that in full. If I'm gonna be a miserable, at least I plan to be miserable in comfort. Does that make me an asshole as well? Honestly I don't give a shit if it does.

    I can't focus on other things to take my mind off it.

    I need to get as far away from here as I can, as quickly as possible. Fuck I wish I had the money to go to Europe or somewhere. I want to obliterate any thoughts to do with this whole sorry mess now. But why should I pull my body over hot coals for getting the short end of the stick? It's hardly fucking fair.

    I'll never make this mistake again. Ever.
     
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    MJ, same thing happened to me. I wish i could tell you that it won't hurt if she gets with someone else but it sure does REALLY hurt. but guess what, its now 4 years later and i'm so over it.
     
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    4 years dude :( lol dont tell lme that, but at least your honest. I know thats going to kill me, which is why i cant be around to see it. Write now i should be working, but id rather tap a beer bottle.
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What you said doesn't make you a bad person. Hearing about her life getting better would just hurt you more. Why put yourself through that? Maybe someday it will be different, once the hurt isn't so strong. But for now, you shouldn't have to deal with that.
     
  5. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Thx Alison. I feel awful for feeling that way though.

    can someone delete this...said all this before, nobody gives a rats ass.
     
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    You think no one gives a rats ass but you have people posting. If no one gave a shit about your words no one would have answered. Period. You make it seem like all you've done is in vain. Relationships fail Matty hun, it happens. It doesn't mean you should forget the best of times. I understand you wanting to close that door and move on from her. I can't blame you really becuase I wouldn't want to see someone I loved be with someone else either, but it does happen and no you're not a bad person for wanting money that was borrowed. You need that money to get away or you're still stuck there which you don't want.

    It's a tough spot to be in but don't for a second think people don't fuckin' care.