Just so sad

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jemm, Dec 8, 2012.

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  1. Jemm

    Jemm Well-Known Member

    I wish I could just just shut off the sadness... I don't think anyone around/close to me believes or wants to believe my level of misery ... Or that I am trying to crawl out of this wretched place but keep failing... I don't want to be this soul sucking person anymore... I don't even want to be around myself how could I possibly expect anyone to want to be around me? I don't know how to grow from here, I know there is a profound lesson to be learned from all this loss and pain that would make me a much more calm and grounded person but I can't seem to grasp it... I feel vulnerable and ashamed, I feel depressed and alone but at the same time I won't allow anyone in and I can't seem to get myself out... Does that make sense? I use to be the one everyone came for answers and now I push everyone away even though I desperately need them because I'm so afraid if they knew the truth that I no longer know anything that I'm just as confused and lost as the next person, they'll push me away and reject me... So I simply push then away first... I know what caused this dramatic change in my personality, this total loss of self worth, abandonment of hope and twisted attachment to fear... But that awareness doesn't change anything... It doesn't give me any reprieve or lead to salvation... I'm still filled with sorrow, still can't find a way out...
  2. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    hi Jemm.. sounds pretty much like depression
    have you sought any professional help yet? right meds and therapies can help you a great deal. give yourself a chance to get better please

    you are obviously a generous and understanding person

    take care xxx :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    ... I feel vulnerable and ashamed, I feel depressed and alone but at the same time I won't allow anyone in and I can't seem to get myself out... Does that make sense?

    It makes sense hun that is what depression does it pushes everyone away when we need them the most. Your awareness of what is happening does not make it less sever probably makes the sadness even more deeper. Talk to your doctor ok see what can be done to help you even for just a short period to pull you out of that wretched darkness. Even if you have to take medication just for a short time do it hun ok. Get some therapy talk to someone It helps to have someone to listen that is outside you family so you don't feel like you are a burden or that you are being judged. You will be doing something just for you hun getting the help you need to get you back on a path with less darkness and more light. h ugs
  4. Jemm

    Jemm Well-Known Member

    Do you think it's plausible to get out of this state without a doctor? I don't really understand why meds or a doctor is the go to answer...? I'm genuinely asking because I don't have any answers but I am also reluctant to believe with all the beauty in this world the only way out of the darkness requires cash and a prescription? But honestly, if this is what people who have experienced this anguish have done to heal (and believe needs to be done) I will let down my guard of skepticism and seek professional help...
    I would really like to know anyone's opinion...
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