I honestly don't know why I'm writing this, I really don't. today's just put the boot in for me if I'm honest. One of my mates died of a heart attack this weekend at 33, my best friend has been sacked at work and is moving to the other end of the country, and my uncle has landed me with yet another bill I'm expected to pay, this time over a grand. To be honest, I don't know how I've lasted this long. The person thats supposed to be my girlfriend treats me like an afterthought, my dad's an alcoholic and my mum does nothing except put me on constant guilt trips. My nuralgia is getting worse, I'm self harming again and taking way more pain killers for the headaches than I should be. so fuck it, I'm done. My life has been nothing but a series of constant disappointments and mistakes and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the guilt for killing my best friend, I'm tired of the drinking, the guilt trips, the cosntant pressure at work. There is something fundamentally wrong with me that makes me like this, its not other people, its me. It's time the world was rid of me and their lives were easier.