Just some thoughts before I go (suicide note)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ZakPup, Apr 12, 2012.

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  1. ZakPup

    ZakPup Well-Known Member

    Kinda a poem/journal/scribbling thing I wrote to get my thoughts out. Kinda made up my mind about this not sure what the point of living is right now. Warning it's raw and didn't edit it, I guess count it as my suicide note.

    Forgotten things haunting everything
    The past can't die no matter how hard you try to push it back
    Memories spawn nothingness
    Nothingness spawns black

    Reaching out for something more to this life
    Crying out in pain hoping someone will listen

    You're what I need but still you don't see
    The half-hearted smiles
    Just paving the way for hurting
    Things just too hard to keep inside

    I'm just there, just another smile to you
    In the background
    Another face to fade

    Nice guys finish last
    So here I finish with nothing...
    With no one...

    (kinda switches from a poem to just scribbling now)

    All I ever am is a friend. All I ever do is comfort heartaches. Never having or seeking comfort for my own. Nice guys need love too, right? But I guess this one wasn't made for it. Just to mend the broken hearts and dry the tears. Just a friend who is there when you need him, only to be pushed away the instant you don't. Just sitting silently in the shadows loving you until you need him again. Why can't I be the one you love? Why can't you give me a try? I've loved you since day one and have always been the loving friend. It's kinda funny how things like that work out. So heres my farewell to you my secret Love, my dearest friend. I love you. Please forget me and leave me in the past where I belong.

    Where WE all go...

    The ones that love and dream to be loved...
    The ones that love from the shadows...
    The ones that love even when they're gone...

  2. privatename

    privatename Well-Known Member

    You're a very talented poet. I take it from reading this someone is not returning or noticing your affection for them? I really do know how heartbreaking it is when someone doesn't have the same feelings. However killing yourself over them is not worth it. There are thousands of people out there who would be interested in you if you let them. Focus on someone that wants a relationship with you. If it hurts to much trying to be "friends" with this person, perhaps it is time to stop being around them/talking to them. (I found this the best thing for myself- it was agonizing being "friends" while still having feeling for them.) Don't waste your time pining for someone that can't see what an awesome person you are. I'm really not trying to be a pain in the ass, or discount your feelings. But trust me, I've been through this.
  3. ZakPup

    ZakPup Well-Known Member

    I know it's not worth it. I guess its from my romanticized view of sucide. Like in Shakespeare's plays where one kills themselves over love, or in opera's where one kills themselves and only then do the person they were seeking affection from see then their love for that person. I don't know what I'd seek in doing such a thing. I know they do say they love me but I question whether it is a friend thing or something more. Curious thing love is, ya know?
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    You are a very talented writer! You shouldn't worry about girls who will reject you for stupid reasons. Sometimes it is true, that nice people do finish last (I know that all too well) and that's why you shouldn't let people hurt and walk all over you. You will find the right girl for you, even though it doesn't seem like it now. You deserve someone who loves and respects you just as much as you do them.
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