Just some thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lorax, Sep 7, 2013.

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  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I feel it in everything now. When i laugh, cry, with company, family, my special someone, friends, or solitude.
    Every single day.. I want to exit.

    The reasons for wanting to suddenly go are getting smaller everyday. It seems painful bursts of memory are becoming common. It's just something i feel i consistently have to look forward to.

    My situation is on a very short path to hell. I can't loose my last person that hasn't turned on me.. Yet i can't stay near them. I have so much to do.. Too much to do.

    I want to be dead.. Beyond a simple disdain for "how my life is" I have tried hard to be happy. Vitamins/ meditation/ meds/ therapy. Even feeling "happy" can't rid this feeling.

    I have resigned my self to this. No point in sharing what I've done to get here. I can't forgive my self, or face the things i've seen/done.

    I guess for now, I put it off. Find little reasons to convince my self i'm not ready -yet- Keep pretending i'm doing better. Keep making everyone think i'm trying to fix my situation.

    I honestly did try. I put so much into trying to be happy. Trying to find a reason to want to live. Like everything else, i failed. Truth is, i've been thinking about this since i was 11..

    What makes a kid start thinking about/ Wanting death? Too much to write. So ultimately, I just hope to opt out soon. Not that most people will even know.. I guess it's better they cut me out. Or it will be someday..
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    sorry you are having these thoughts- and that they seem so intense at the moment

    hope you continue to reach out here
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