Just some thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomusername, Mar 30, 2015.

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  1. randomusername

    randomusername New Member

    Writing down these thoughts has helped tremendously. I realize it's stupid, but I wanted to share this with someone and there's no one I'm willing to share this with...


    I want to kill myself. I won't, but I want to. I've been on the brink before, I've overcame the feeling, but it's still prevalent in my life. Every time I've come this close, I always find a reason I can't. It's probably because I'm a coward. The reason I can't this time, is because I've just gone through a break up. A fairly mild breakup, one easy to get over. But nobody is letting me forget the breakup, everybody's bringing it up, wondering how I'm doing, if I'm holding myself together. It's like they don't believe me when I say I'm fine. Maybe the see the sadness in me, and they think that's the only logical conclusion, I don't know. Regardless if I went through with it right now everyone would think that's why, and I can't stand the thought of it. I don't want her thinking she meant that much to me. I don't want people to look back on my life and have it defined by her. I guess it wouldn't really matter much what people think, <mod edit - guidelines>, I won't have a care in the world. But I'm alive right now, and the biggest problem with consciousness is thinking. I can't let my life be defined by a month long relationship. I want to be remembered for my kindness, my undying dedication to my friends, and my hilarious sense of humor, deranged but I'm fucking hilarious. I want people to remember me for how much I loved my job. So I'll sit here with not much to live for, and I'll bide my time until the time is right. Maybe the feeling Will pass by then
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Hope the feeling does pass. Sounds like you have quite a few good things going for you in your life, but also some big problems. I say this all the time, but the link in my sig may have some info that is helpful to you.
     
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