Just some venting. (Replies welcome)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Unknown.7, May 4, 2016.

  1. Unknown.7

    Unknown.7 Member

    So the problem is that I always feel so conflicted about everything. I always feel like I'm going to make a mistake or make the wrong decision. If i don't have someone standing behind me and telling me what to do, I don't do anything because I don't know what to do. The other problem is that on top of the fact that I feel like a failure, I feel like I just annoy everyone. In fact, I KNOW that I annoy everyone. I mean when you start talking and everyone just turns away, it's a really big sign that you're annoying, right? Everyone hates me.

    I don't have anyone to talk to about it. My only friends are Audrey and Shannon, and I think even try get sick of me some times. Anyways, I can't tell Audrey about how I feel, she goes through it too so she has herself to worry about. And she'll just think I'm obnoxious trying to talk to her while she's trying to deal with her own problems. I can't talk to Shannon, she just talks about how God will help me or whatever, and I just don't believe that. On top of that, she is going through a lot right now anyways, she doesn't need to have to worry about me too. And I can't talk to my family about it. They think it's just all my fault that I feel this way, everything is my fault. They say I'm just lazy and a liar and all this stuff. They don't believe in me, they don't think I can do anything right. I tell them how I feel and they tell me to suck it up. They won't take me to see a therapist anymore because the last therapist I went to didn't help me, which is of course my fault.

    The insecurities are the worst though. I think they cause most of the anxiety. I'm insecure about my personality: I feel like I'm annoying and sometimes off-standish, and so I get anxiety in any social situation. I'm super insecure about my body. Oh my god, that's the worst. I'm always sucking in my stomach trying to be skinnier and trying not to jiggle. I don't want to give people a reason to make fun of me. I try to lose weight and I just fail at it. I'll exercise for a few days but then lose motivation. I eat all the time. I can't control myself. If I'm sad, I eat, and I'm sad all the time. I just wish I could be skinny. I wish I could be less annoying. I wish I could actually do something right for once. I wish I didn't feel like such a failure. I just wish I wasn't me.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    No, it is not your fault.

    You are dealing with a lot, and you don't have to do it alone. I know the thinking well, that "they have issues, I shouldn't add to it..." but something I learned is that some people actually do want to help, and don't mind. Sometimes it's actually pretty nice to help someone while you're having issues yourself... so why not try to talk to them?

    Does your school have a counselor? You should try making an appointment with them. It sounds like you really need help to deal with all of this.
     
  3. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Hey. You are future thinking. How can everything you do be wrong? If that were true, in the worst car scenario, you would be dead. Take crossing the street. Are you always wrong? Of course not. So stop believing it.

    Are you lazy? Mosy of us are at some point. Are you a liar? Everyone tells lies. Fuck people that say "suck it up". This type of response only indicates that this person is unwilling or incapable of seeing the world through others. People aren't responsible for you. Do it yourself if they are unwilling to help.

    I find giggling to be an endearing quality. Learned helplessness, that's what get out of that last paragraph. Wishing, hoping, praying will never get you on the path to acceptance. If you believe you are annoying then you have created your reality. Choose to create something else. You can do it