Just some venting..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SSheep, Sep 12, 2016.

  1. SSheep

    SSheep Member

    Just another day feeling like a completely worthless idiot. I feel like i don't deserve anyone in my life, i felt so anxious in morning and raged to mom and now i feel so guilty and so bad :(. When i get angry i tend to hurt people and i feel so shamed for it. Also i feel like i never belong to anywhere.. My social anxiety just keeps holding me down, makes it hard to talk to anyone. I just wish to die but i can't do that cause i have things to be grateful for. I have been just crying until my eyes are read and just wishing for something to relieve this pain.

    I can't get any understanding from my family, all they keep saying is "Just think of positive things!", "Don't be alone then if you feel lonely", " Stop whining, we got problems too" etc.. Yes, i know they are trying to help and i appreciate their efforts but i usually feel even worse after those words. I want someone to just tell me i am not a bad person as i feel i am.
  2. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Sorry to hear that. I too have sometimes raged at my mother and always feel bad for it afterwards. At least apologize if you feel bad, since it might help a little.
    And you're not a bad person for it either. We all have bad days. And days where we're just angry over something.

    But you aren't worthless either. And I know how it feels and to just cry until your eyes hurts.
    But at least try to think positive, like your family says. I know it's not easy. But as you said, yiu have things to be grateful for. So just think about them. Think of good times. And try to relax too, deep breathes.
    But also sad to hear that your family tells you to stop "being lonely." You can't just stop the feeling, not always at least.
  3. SSheep

    SSheep Member

    I did send a text message to her afterwards apologizing about it. I still feel bad about it, i just have to try harder to control my anger if possible. Thinking about the positive stuff helps a little but not for long time, the negative ones are so strong usually for me.
  4. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Understandable, but I hope it stops soon. The feeling bad.
    And well it's easier said than done to control ones anger, but glad to hear you'll try!
    I used to write stories or just talk it out. Sometimes it'd get a little violent, like hitting my pillow. It'd help a little.
    But my mom used to tell me to breath deeply and slowly, while counting. Whether it was to ten or more. Maybe it'll help for you too?

    And yeah, know how the bad thoughts can just come and "overpower" one. But it'll get better, so whenever the bad thoughts come, just keep trying to focus and think of the good things. Whether it's in the past or maybe something you look forward to?
  5. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Do you have techniques to control your anger when it comes up? You are not a bad person, you just don't know how to deal with your pain and it comes out in different ways. My bf used to do the same to me, raging at me when it wasn't called for. I always forgave him. When you love people, you want to forgive them. I'm sure your mom understands and is grateful for your apology.