Just someone to liston:/

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by carbon monoxide perfume, May 27, 2007.

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  1. have a few questions and a story to tell. I figure I would turn here because, I don't like talking to people one to one, and being here by myself makes things easer to tell people and get my thoughts out in the right order. Yet inside I just want someone to hold me, I want to cry, but I cant. I feel alone, I don't think I am suicidal, or maybe that comes later in depression...? I don't know if I am even depressed... I hide my real feelings from everyone, Everyone thinks I am happy, and I just want to run away, and never stop, sometimes when you run long enough, and fast enough your body wants to make you stop, but the feeling that you get in your lungs makes me feel like running more, like all my senses shut down, and zone out, and go in a dream like state which feels better then the correct state of mind. To tell you a little bit about myself, My name is Josh I'm 18 years old and a senior in highschool, I am about to graduate but I'm not really excited, in fact I could care less:/ I am on the cross-country track and swimming team, I'm good at all of them, but this year I quit everything. When I was a baby my mom was a drug addic, i was a crackbaby when I was conceved, I was put in foster care tell she got her "act" together when they court thoghut she was suttable they released me to her I was 6 years old, all I reamber is she beat me with her belt for no reason, along with some other stuff, but I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me so I wont go in to detail. After that I was sent to foster care then to the mom where I am now. Back to the present time Everyone thinks I'm happy but inside I know I'm not, I feel sad , and the longing for someone to just resucue me from what I'm feeling.My friends are nice and caring I don't even tell them how I feel, I have a barrior I just wont let people get to? I have to start life soon after highschool maybe the stress from that is making me feel this way? I often see beauty in things others look past, I see sorrow in peoples eyes and nature. I don't know, well if you even care to read this tank you for your time:/
    Last edited: May 27, 2007
  2. SeemsPerfect

    SeemsPerfect Guest

    I know what you mean about hiding your true feelings and setting up barriers to not let anyone in. I'm the same way. Actually, I think a lot of us here can relate to that.

    I think what you went through with your mom is a big reason for setting up those barriers. It's kinda hard to let people in after things like that.

    There is definitely a level of stress when you're graduating high school and going into "the real world." Do you know what's next? College? Job? Military?
  3. I think I'm going into the Military, but not for a year, and my family is moving to Florida, and I don't want to do so, I might be moving in with my friends for a year.
  4. SeemsPerfect

    SeemsPerfect Guest

    Hey! What's wrong with Florida? :mad: lol...just kidding :smile:

    You're definitely at a point where you have your whole life ahead of you. Sounds cliche, I know. Doesn't make it any less true though. You have so many options and you can do practically anything.

    The military can be a good path as a career or for gaining life experience while you sort things out. But PLEASE take the right steps in making that decision. Army - Navy - Marines - Air Force - Coast Guard: They all have VERY specific differences, both good and bad.

    If you decide the military is what you want to do then it's best if you go in with a GUARANTEED job. If you go in 'open' the branch you choose can place you into ANY job they feel you're qualified to fill. That can make for a miserable enlistment.

    By the way, most branches now offer 2 year enlistments (3-year in some cases). Don't let anyone bully you into signing a 4 year deal if you're unsure if you'll like it. Same thing with the bonuses they give for 6-year enlistments. Those bonuses (cash and rank) won't be worth it at all if you end up hating it after the first year or two.

    Oh, and take advantage of the GI Bill. That will be one of the best investments anyone could ever hope to make (financially and as a matter of education).

    PLEASE send me a PM if you need to talk or have any questions. The military can be wonderful but it can also be the exact opposite if you don't listen to yourself and go after what YOU want out of it.

    By the way, if you still love cross-country and swimming and you want an amazing challenge (that will seem like hell on earth at times) you may want to consider Air Force Pararescue (special ops rescue missions) or Navy SEALs (I'm sure you know these guys). You'll practically live in the water if you choose one of these...lol :cool:
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