Just started.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Anamnesis., Feb 13, 2007.

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  1. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    2 nights ago I was really stressed out and I remembered how people talked about how cutting yourself could releive stress. At that point I was pretty much up for anything and I remembered I had an exacto knife(razor knife) somwhere so I found it and made a small cut on my hand and after that I whent to my arm and each time made a longer and deeper cut. Afterwards I felt suprisingly relieved, I was thinking "whoa! This stuff actually works!" I wear long sleave sweathsirts just about everyday so no one will ever see the cuts I made, I think 25 in all and I didn't particularly feel like dying that day so I avoided my wrists and instead focused on my upper and lower left arm. By the time I was done my entire arm was completely covered in blood and no one was home so I just let it bleed while I walked around the house. Seeing my own blood was incredibely soothing and now I have no reason to criticize people who cut themselves like I use to becuase now I know how relieving it is. Just wanted to share my realization.
     
  2. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    Please please please stop now. Don't let it go any further. It might feel like relief. It might feel like you're in control, but trust me, sooner or later it will control you. It will be another problem on top of whatever you're already going through. It's an addiction and so so hard to stop. If I can't convince you, please read this: http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=18686 Every word is the truth.

    :hug:
     
  3. //x/forgottonemo/x//

    //x/forgottonemo/x// Well-Known Member

    ^ true.. i agree.. i started a year ago and i wish so bad i didnt cause its hard to stop now.. i reckon you should find another way to let out stress.. cause in the future you'll regret it and find it harder to stop :sad:
     
  4. Atiri

    Atiri Active Member

    it's true stop.
     
  5. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
    And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
    And you are gasping....
    And you feel yourself shaking all over.
    You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't
    tell anyone.
    So you sit there alone...
    Praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far
    again...



    Just hit that point and trust me, you never want to go there. It's scary as hell and... you just don't want to go there. Trust us, if there's any way to stop it now, take it.

    But if not, I'm sorry for you.
     
  6. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    Heh, well I'm not stupid enough to cut too far as to cause uncontrolable bleeding. But if I ever did go that far there is a quick and easy way to stop bleeding; you go out side, piss on some sand and slap it on your arm and it will usually stop the bleeding :laugh: . I haven't done anything major like that again since, just 2-3 cuts here and there if I get agitated. I even started taking it to school so if I get pissed I can go in the bathroom or outside or something and do it. But I'll be careful to avoid my wrists, as long as I do that I should be fine.

    Have you hit that point, Lost?
     
  7. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    Okay, just started doing it again (literally just finished 10 seconds ago) and now I've done it another 15-20 times on the same arm and now it looks really f**ked up. I hope no one sees this or I'm totally screwed... I probably just did the biggest one yet, I just pressed hard on my arm and let it fly. I'm curious to know if I get caught doing this will I be instantly thrown into a padded cell?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2007
  8. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    I don't know how to get this through to you, but I think, although I can't speak for everyone, that most people think that when they first start. I know I thought I was in control, and maybe you are for the time being but, and again, i can't say it happens to everyone, not having spoken to everyone, but I have spoken to a great deal of people who have had it get out of control. It takes over your life. You're already saying you're taking something to school with you so you can cut there? Please, please try to stop. It's not too late. I say this out of genuine concern. You say if you avoid your wrists, you'll be fine? Safer, maybe, although you can do a hell of a lot of damage away from your wrists...but the issue's still there. It's still an addiction. It can still take over your life until the stupidest things you took for granted are completely out of the question, until its all you can think about. I don't know what else I can say. Just, please take care. :hug:
     
  9. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Taking stuff to school? I hit that a long time ago. Okay, well maybe not such a long time....

    I know you're probably getting sick of hearing this from people, but that's just how it's going to be. Everyone that I've talked to about it thought they were under control first. I know I was. I chose the when, the where, and the why. I choose how deep and on what part of my body. Now I desperately try not to take any sharps to school because I don't want to lose it there, because I know I will if I bring anything. If I have something sharp and I feel like shit... well, we're talking how many minutes I can hold it off.
    At the start, I thought it was fun, enjoyable, unique, exciting, and yes, maybe a little psycho. I knew on a certain level that it was wrong, and would go long periods of time without it. Then I hit a *kinda* rough patch in my life and used it a few too many times. I think I'm addicted now.

    It's not a good idea. Talk to someone, please! It will almost certainly ruin your life!
     
  10. Anamnesis.

    Anamnesis. Active Member

    Well thanks for the warning and I will really take it into consideration. Though it is unlikely that I will stop soon I will be careful not to get too caried away with it as you warn against. Thanks for the advice.
     
  11. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Yeah continue and become addicted to self injury. Psh. :rolleyes:
     
  12. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    :rolleyes: Well, what else can we do?:rolleyes:
     
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