...Just stop...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hanging_Hope, Aug 12, 2009.

  1. Hanging_Hope

    Hanging_Hope Active Member

    I'm honestly sick of all the people where I work at. I work at a quite large bookstore part-time, being a college student (I'm currently studying advanced physics) that's quite broke and can't depend on any family member to get money. Plus, I have to pay for college, which is even worse.

    I have a problem with crowds, or even with communicating with people in general. It's all a result of my past that I can't seem to get over. I can't trust anyone, I'm afraid they'll laugh at me, and I'm always being ignored anyway.

    So, today, I got screamed at once more for making a mistake with a couple of books that we were supposed to give the customer who ordered them (They took 3 weeks to arrive.) I also apparently lost an important list and made the wrong notes, and this one girl that also works with me made a comment on how I have huge dark circles under my eyes and I should cover them up and make sure to get more sleep because I'll get fired.

    Me being unable to work properly is a result of depression, which leads to lack of sleep, which itself reduces my 'performance' at work. I know that very well. But there's nothing I can do about it. When I tried taking sleeping pills, I only couldn't wake up and ended up missing work for a day. I had to call sick.

    I feel so left out everytime I'm there. The three people I work with always go to a cafe after work is done, or even agree to have a night out. I'm never invited, not even asked if I'm free. It's partly my fault, I know, because I find it difficult to approach anyone, but couldn't they at least ask me once? At least, once? Maybe I'm asking too much but...*sigh*...

    I hate this. It's only making me feel even more unwanted and invisible. When I suddenly stop showing up at work, they'll just be angry, they'll never be the least bit worried if something happened to me. And when they learn I've ended my life, they'll just keep going, not caring one bit. It's true.
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    they might not care but people on here will. i guarentee it
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Try to look around for new jobs hun. Sounds like this place is bringing you down. I'd say just quit but it sounds like you really need the money. If at all possible try to find someplace else I'd say.
    :heart: :hug: