Since this is my first post, it's a bit long-winded. Three sections: My history, my issue, and my question(the reason I'm posting). Any ideas/stories/comments are much appreciated. Treatment History ----------------- So I've been diagnosed with various mental illnesses for 3/4 of my life this year. I've been bounced around between various mental illnesses because apparently if I had depression the anti-depressants would have worked and if I had manic depressive illness the bipolar approved medication would have worked, if I had psychotic depression(you get the idea). Long story short I've been through, I believe it was 16 different drugs the last time I checked and various combinations thereof and psychotherapy and many other therapies. The Issue --------- Obviously nothing has worked seeing as I am here and looking for comparable experiences. So after being ill for so long, I believe you move past the 'dramatic stage' I'll call it, which more closely resembles borderline personality disorder than any other mental illness. I rarely have breakdowns anymore, only about one or two a year that require social cleaning up afterwards, I simply have a distaste for life. I see the good things in life, I know I could have them all but being in a perfectly neutral state I'd rather die than put any effort into building something meaningful. My illness has crushed every attempt I've made towards school, relationships, and academia. Now, please do not take this as an emotionally driven post. I am not depressed, I simply do not care for life. I've had one failed attempt which landed me in a coma for a week and even at that time I made sure not to drink for the month prior to and gave myself that month to see if it was simply an emotional state. The Question ------------- So my question is does anyone else feel this way? You've stopped getting emotionally depressed almost completely and you see all of the good things in life that are around you and that you can reach but... You just don't care for any of them anymore. You start justifying socially consequential actions with the cliche "Live like there's no tomorrow." because frankly, I feel like I'm just waiting to have the money for my method of preference. How are you supposed to recover from an illness with no real symptoms other than suicidal intentions? Any answers/stories are appreciated as I am at a loss right now as to if I actually have an issue, I am just fine with leaving life and moving onto what's next if there is anything else to existence.