Right now, I could kill myself. I don't even need to give myself reasons at the moment, it just seems like a mercy killing. Even if I don't, which I probably won't tonight, because I have too many thoughts and emotions all over the place right now. I'm too much of a quivering wreck (metaphorically) to do that tonight. But anyway, even if I don't, I'll still keep messing up again. And it's still going to hurt. It's still going to hurt like there are millions of holes in my heart. I heard the loveliest phrase once. I don't remember it exactly, but it was along the lines of "when you see them cry, and you want to change the world so it won't hurt them any more." I wish I could. Not even just for myself. I wish I could do that. I'm sorry. I'm getting tearful. Actually, I can't really read the screen. I think I'm going to go and curl up in bed... I won't sleep, but I'll be there. I'm sorry, anybody who reads this. But you won't find those missing peices unless you look.