Just thinking aloud here TRIGGERING

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by wheresmysheep, Apr 27, 2010.

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  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    My dad. He tried to molest me when I was 14. I remember it as clearly as if it was yesterday. it was during my first ever period too, 3days before my 14th birthday.
    I ended up confronting him when I was 18, about this 3months after I moved in with him, because his wife said it wasn't right for me to be spending so much time in my room and she pushed me to talk to my dad in his shed.
    His reaction to my claim was of pure shock and horror. And he said that all the women in his life always seem to be out to get him; my mum, his sons mum and me.
    Anyway after confronting him I promptly went to my bf's house and sought solace there. But I had to face him some point, and that day came 4 days after I confronted him. We met in Dublin and went to a hotel bar. He asked me if I still believed what I claimed happened, and I said yes cause I remember it so clearly. He denied it to the last. We there decided that me getting my own place would be for the best.
    To this day I still see him nearly weekly, I still visit his home, I still give him hugs(even tho I'm dying inside) and I'm just wondering if it plays on his mind what I accused him of, does he think about it whenever he see's me? He's going through alot health wise and i'm just wondering if this is draining him even more?
    -Sigh- It would be easier if I didnt see him at all
     
  2. Terra

    Terra Well-Known Member

    Personally I think the worst sort of abuse is when one part don't get that they are hurtfull. When I was 14 I was forced to be alone with my step-dad for two days since my mum had to travel and didn't want to leave him alone in his bad health. next morning he claimed that I had come up to him and we had "played around". He kept talking about it like it was normal for over two months (whenever no-one was around),a dn even gave me a call where he said that my tummy had gotten bigger and he asked if I was pregnant. Still in denial that anything have ever happened I told him to fuck off.

    I still see him every week, and he now acts like nothin have ever happened, he lives happily with my mum, and I don't want to say anything since his health is so bad and I've never seen my mum happier than she is with him. I wonder if he have forgotten about it or plays it for himself as the perverted dream I'm convinced it was.
    I know this is a crappy answer, but I just wanted to say that I kind of have a simular situation, and that likelyhood of the subject ever being brought up again is as good as dead.
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Sweetie...you have to do what is best for you and not concern yourself with someone else's health before taking care of yourself...you are a wonderful and compassionate person who would not accuse someone without merit...value yourself and act accordingly...big hugs, J
     
  4. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    I don't have any real words of wisdom here, but I do understand. My dad abused me for many years.

    Now, I see him often (my mom has passed on). I'm all he has, and I feel a responsibility. He has never brought up what he did, and I can't. I have to wonder at times if he feels any guilt, if it eats at him, or if he has just rationalized it, or denies it within himself. I don't think we will ever know what goes on in their minds, but there has to be something off, or they would never have abused in the first place.

    It does make it harder when you have to continue to see them. I guess that just says something for the kind of people we are; those who can still care for those that hurt us.
     
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