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just thinking of...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by marjoke, Mar 2, 2012.

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  1. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    So far I haven't found good help for how I am...
    Yesterday I had an appointment with a social worker from a center near here.
    I am someone who never easy talks about feelings so the conversation was rather difficult. As my story progressed I saw the face of the social worker become more and more questionable... he seemed to wonder exactly how deep a person can sink after the loss of his beloved, how people can still be in deep sadness after 4 years...well... deep... very deep...

    I will be referred to a psychiatrist but I don't know if that will help me.
    I feel what I feel and nobody can ever doubt that... I wonder if it even makes any sense... nothing or nobody can bring back my beloved... I will never meet someone else because my heart belongs to him... it hurts... so much...still... after 4 years...
    People say "you're young, you've got your whole life for you and you will still get to know someone else"... but that will and can and may not ever happen... I don't know why I am still live... why should I stay alive... I just want to be with him... I can only think of that...I hope death can bring us back together...
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    perhaps you can honor him in life.
  3. stupid

    stupid Guest

    You could be 80 years old and feel such dark sadness and pain. I just read a study about people (and animals) do die of broken hearts.
    There is a lot of science behind it that is not the point. The point is that we have to remind eachother that there IS joy in the smallest things in life.
    I recommend you do what I did recently. Quit your job, have someone take care of the kids, put yourself in debt....who cares. whatever it takes for you to travel somewhere that will breath life back into you. Get out of your bubble of hell and pain. Feel alive again. Do whatever it takes. Hopefully your journey will bring you peace.
    ps - I tell you this from experience. I admit that it is not a cure, but a new perspective that might help.
  4. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    I do...he's never far away but I can't reach him anymore...
  5. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    he will always be there
  6. marjoke

    marjoke Account Closed

    he is always in my mind, deep in my heart...he will be for ever...and it keeps hurting...a lot
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